Farmer Wants a Wife Episode 2

Despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that Josie is clearly a producer plant, Matt chose to eliminate Stephanie in Farmer Wants a Wife Episode 1 instead.

Brooke and Lisa get along because they’re bible thumpers. Christa’s still bitter that they TP’d Matt’s truck.

Matt arrives the next morning to the girls cooking breakfast. One of the blonde girls (if that narrows it down any) says it’s a little boring in the country. Josie has to be instructed to wear a bra.

It’s time to go smell some manure on a pig farm. Who’s ready to get down and dirty? They have to clean the pigs up for the fair to get them looking nice. Apparently they can tell the difference. Stacey loves pigs and is excited. Josie (again) is being a party pooper, and Lisa’s joining in. Chasing after a pig, Stacey slams her head into a wooden beam. She keeps on ticking, and Matt takes notice.

Afterwards, they get cleaned up, and Matt just has to take his shirt off. Kanisha takes the opportunity to clean his (already clean) back. Josie asks him if she wants to test drive the product before he gets married, or if he wants to marry a virgin. His answer is that he’d like to wait, which Lisa appreciates.

Matt goes to see Stacey and check on how she’s doing after having bumped her head. He gives her the option to sit out, but she wants to do the best she can, so she heads out to the challenge. They’ll be milking goats, painting a cow, and cleaning the stalls. Josie calls Matt a son of a bitch for expecting them to participate in these challenges. Lisa is the first one to finish milking the cow. Ashley is next. Krista is in third but is first to paint the cow. Josie ain’t even trying. Krista also finishes the manure cleanup first, and she is safe.

Lisa is frustrated because Matt’s not really communicating with her. A couple ladies agree with her. Christa is still whining.

Matt takes the girls to play Bingo. Josie doesn’t want to sit at the same table with anyone who doesn’t love George Bush. She’s causing problems as usual, letting it be known she won’t marry a man who won’t support her financially and allow her to be lazy. Lisa’s bored after 5 minutes and drags Matt off to the bar. Some of the others don’t like this move and go to the bar to drag them both back.

Each of the girls gets a chance to speak in front of the town and tell them a bit about themselves. Amanda says she’s a bit more reserved than some of the others. Ashley wants to be with someone who’s her best friend. Brooke had boots before and didn’t just buy clothes to go to the farm. Lisa is preaching.

And now it’s time to let somebody go. He sends the girls back to the bar and asks for opinions. Lisa and Josie get the most negative reaction. Only one person won’t get Bingo in this special game, the girl who’s going back to the city. Josie has been sent packing. She responds that he’s too cheap and doesn’t have anything to offer a woman. She refuses to leave until he gives her a present. He offers to mail it to her, but she doesn’t care. Just get out of here already. At least she only lasted two episodes more than she should have.

The drama’s not done yet, though. When the girls get home, she’s still refusing to leave without a gift, saying that the police will have to escort her out. Someone just tranquilize her. They must have some drugs they use on out of control cows. This is seriously pathetic. She’s had her 15 minutes of fame, and she’s really not interesting enough to warrant any more. She makes the guy driving her home call Matt. He tells her he hasn’t had time to get a gift and is busy preparing for his date. She doesn’t care and will wait for him. She stays out there until the cows come home and finally takes the hint, calling him a cheap bastard. Everyone’s happy to see her go home. Don’t invite her back to the finale.

The girls who don’t get to go on the date decide to go out to a bar because they’re getting stir crazy. Adapt or go back home to the city. Most of them hang out together. Lisa and Brooke hang out with the locals, and the others take offense to them getting to know the townspeople.

Stacey is picked for the one-on-one date. They’ll be watching a movie with a barn for a screen. He tells her that it’s not an issue that she’s not a virgin. He gets to learn a lot about her. A real lot. She refuses to shut up. Once he says he’s heard enough about her, he asks about the house, where she takes a swing at the bible buddies.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of Farmer Wants a Wife episode 3 Wet ‘n Wild, which airs Wednesday at 9/8c on The CW.

American Idol 7 Episode 37

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has opened its doors to American Idol.

David Cook
Song: The Wolf by Duran Duran
Randy: Just okay.
Paula: Left with a big appetite.
Simon: Good. Little bit copycat.

Syesha Mercado
Song: Proud Mary by Tina Turner
Randy: In the zone.
Paula: A star with a magnetic voice and presence.
Simon: Bad shrieky version.

Jason Castro
Song: I Shot the Sheriff by Bob Marley
Randy: Really karaoke.
Paula: Performed well to the audience at least.
Simon: Utterly atrocious. As bad as I’ve ever heard. Like a first round audition massacre. You can’t do that.

David Archuleta
Song: Stand by Me by Benny King
Randy: At least there’s one guy trying to win the whole thing every time he hits the stage.
Paula: Ramble ramble.
Simon: Very well placed considering the last song. Struggled a bit at the end but the best performance so far.

David Cook
Song: Baba O’Riley by The Who
Randy: More like the David Cook that I’ve grown to love.
Paula: More. More.
Simon: Welcome back.

Syesha Mercado
Song: A Change is Gonna Come by Sam Cook
Randy: Did not love as much as the first song. Not a good arrangement.
Paula: Standing ovation. Beautiful. Superstar performance.
Simon: Have to be fair and agree with Paula.

Jason Castro
Song: Mr. Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan
Randy: Not in the zone tonight.
Paula: It is what it is.
Simon: Pack your suitcase.

David Archuleta
Song: Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley
Randy: Another great performance. So tender and caressed each word. Hot vocals of the night.
Paula: One of my favorites from you.
Simon: You crushed the competition tonight.

Farmer Wants a Wife Episode 1

The writers’ strike presented a unique opportunity for some offbeat reality shows to make their appearance. Granted, this is The CW we’re talking about here, so offbeat or not they’re gonna give anything a shot (for one season anyway). And that’s where Farmer Wants a Wife comes in.

Matt, a good looking buff small town farmer with a college education and over 2000 acres of land is looking for a wife, but his small town of Portage Des Sioux, Missouri (population 351) doesn’t offer him anything. So of course, the solution to that is to go on reality TV and meet some city girls who are sick of city guys. Oh yeah, I’m expecting a high cheese factor here.

He’s hoping for someone physically and mentally strong, a best friend who can pull the plow alongside him. The cast of 10 potential mates includes:

Amanda: 21, Poughkeepsie NY, Student
Ashley: 27, Wells Beach ME, Sales Manager
Brooke: 23, Dallas TX, Marketing Representative
Christa: 22, Cincinnati OH, Personal Assistant
Josie: 25, Laguna Niguel CA, Math/Tennis Teacher
Kanisha: 25, Ontario CA, Property Management
Krista: 24, Kelley IA, Accountant
Lisa: 21, Los Angeles CA, Singer/Dancer/Street Performer
Stacey: 25, Owings Mills MD, Sales & Marketing
Stephanie: 23, Boston MA, Jeweler

Lisa tells us she’s a virgin, as does Brooke. Josie says she’s a 10+. Not sure what scale that’s based on, but I’m assuming it’s a broken scale. Her theory is that the farmer’s wife doesn’t work. Texas girl Brooke already has the accent down. Christa’s a party animal who stays up all night long. Night owl + farm = bad math. Stacey is high maintenance but apparently unconcerned she won’t be able to get a pedicure on the farm.

Everybody in town is buzzing. All couple hundred of them. The women land, and there’s nothing as far as the eye can see. Christa doesn’t quite get why the other girls are wearing high heels to the farm. Their tranportation is a school bus driven by Matt’s friend Jason, and some of them have no problem expressing their disgust when they believe Jason’s the farmer and at the luxury transportation they’ve been given.

Matt’s mom is a city girl, who moved to the farm because she fell in love with a farmer.

Stephanie doesn’t like the house. It’s not her style, but maybe she could get used to it… but it’s not her style… but maybe she could get used to it. Josie’s got some plans when she sees the house: cause a flood and collect insurance because the whole thing needs to be renovated anyway. Even worse news, there’s no maid to clean up after her.

Stephanie has never seen a chicken not carved up into little nuggets, and she’s afraid they’ll peck her eyes out. She has less luck with the cows, as she steps in a surprise. Krista and Kanisha want to play with the chickens, though.

Josie tells the girls money is more important than love. She hopes to piss them off by acting like an asshat. Yeah, it’s not much of an act.

Matt got a call from a friend Frannie who needs some help, so they’re all going out to help her out because in the country people actually help each other. The chickens have to go to market, meaning they’ll need to be couped up. Whoever coups the most chickens is safe from elimination. Stephanie’s particularly unimpressed, but she manages to get over it. Josie doesn’t believe any respectable woman will chase chickens like that.

Stephanie: 4
Christa: 7
Josie: 0
Brooke: 6
Lisa: 6
Amanda: 7
Stacey: 3
Ashley: 6
Krista: 10
Kanisha: 10

Both of them aren’t safe. Instead, they’re going to have a pointless coup off. As if either of them is in danger of going home after this effort. Kanisha manages to win this coup off, and she has immunity.

Brooke’s already smitten. It’s a bit early for that, and the other girls are giving her trouble over it.

Following the running around after a bunch of chickens, they all go on a hayride. Brooke is a nanny and loves kids, something Matt agrees with her on. Matt doesn’t do boxers or briefs. He hasn’t found a big use for underwear. Stephanie’s weighing her options and not real sure if she wants to be a farmer’s wife. Matt thinks Josie’s just a little bit insane. He’s underestimating her. She’s bored and pissed off about this date. Kanisha’s tired of that bitch.

The women all wear black to mourn the passing of one of their own, though they’d jump up and down if it were Josie. Whoever doesn’t have an egg under their chicken is going home. Stephanie’s the one who is eliminated. A fair decision, but let’s get real here. Josie’s the best example of joke casting ever. The producers couldn’t possibly have taken this chick seriously, and I find it hard to believe Matt does either without their intervention. Keeping her around is all about ratings (don’t worry… ratings won’t come whether she’s gone or not).

One person will get a one-on-one date, and Matt picks Christa. He’s got a canopy with candles and a rocking park bench. She manages to be a little girly, even though she’s not a big fan of the being girly. While they’re gone, some of the other girls play a prank and TP his truck, but they get busted in the middle of it.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of Farmer Wants a Wife episode 2 Pigs and Cows and Sheep… Oh My, which airs Wednesday at 9/8c on The CW.

Beauty and the Geek 5 Episode 9

In a typically bad twist, following a vote that led to a four way tie, Tommy & Amanda decided to send Jason & Kristina home in Beauty and the Geek 5 Episode 8. And Tara decided to be bitch-like to Joe.

The guys decide to give Jason a Viking funeral. It doesn’t get much more geeky than that.

Tara claims she and Joe turned a new leaf. Hopefully it sucks less than their last leaf.

The beauties are going to work on home improvement. Cara thinks there’s a cute plumber on Desperate Housewives. Tara doesn’t want to smell poo.

The guys are going to be doing fashion. Tommy wants the chapter on sweater vests. There’s probably just one sentence: don’t wear them. Chris has a great deal of familiarity with putting on makeup. Too much. Joe doesn’t understand what’s wrong with the clearance rack.

Tommy’s still obsessed with Amber. Get over it already, dude.

Some geeky girls come out for the geek competition, and it is up to the geeks to give them makeovers. The beauties will determine who is the winner without knowing who made over which girl. The first step is for the geeks to take before photos. Then they have to pick out outfits, followed by telling makeup artists and hairstylists how to make them over. And lastly some after photos. The beauties must vote on a scale of 1-4 how dramatic the makeovers were. They’re trying to play strategically, guessing which one their partner actually did. Way too easy for that to backfire. The top two were Chris and Tommy. Chris is the winner of the makeover challenge. Leticia’s annoyed by his celebrating. Tara’s not happy with Joe’s performance and still fed up with him. Why are these two still here?

The beauties will need to fix a bathroom that looks like a poorly maintained gas station restroom. Like any good plumber, they keep the producers busy with blurs covering their cracks. Leticia is the first one to get the tub unclogged, and she ends up finishing the sink and the toilet before anybody else is able to even get done with the tub.

Leticia & Matt and Chris & Cara are safe, meaning that Joe & Tara and Tommy & Amanda will be going to the elimination room.

Tara gets the first question correct. Tommy gets his first question correct. Amanda gets the second question right. Joe gets the second question for the guys right, bringing us down to one final question. Amanda is correct, and she and Tommy are safe. Joe & Tara have finally been given the boot. Not sure how much either of them have learned. Still, they do at least go out on a positive note, or they try anyway. He’s in the middle of explaining how he’s lucky to have known her, but she cuts him off because he spits while talking, grossing her out too much to finish the conversation. An appropriate conclusion.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of Beauty and the Geek 5 episode 10, when we will find out who the winner is, which airs Tuesday at 8/7c on The CW.

The Bachelor 12 Episode 8

The Bachelor 12 Episode 7 brought us down to the final two, but before we find out who the winner of The Bachelor: London Calling is, it’s time for the women to tell all.

After getting drunk and making a fool out of herself up to and including giving Matt her underpants, Stacey says she’s embarrassed and usually doesn’t act like that.

Robin says her actions were a bit of a defense mechanism, and like DeAnna and McCarten last season, she was there just for the guy and wasn’t overly concerned about the other girls, who felt she was just there for the competition.

Oh great. Let’s relive the most uncomfortable fight of the season with the biggest mouth. Marshana continues to defend being a raving lunatic, with no effort to actually listen to anyone. This was pretty much a waste of time.

Amanda says she’s just as confused after having watched the show as she was when she left. Her biggest question for Matt would be why he never voiced any concerns to her. She takes this as a lesson for future relationships to open up more. I don’t think she’ll have any problems. On a season where there’s a soap star trying to further her acting career, Amanda’s still the best looking one there.

Matt’s got a new David Beckham haircut and is in need of a shave. He’s been listening back stage. His concern with Amanda was that she was using the word “like,” whereas the others were using the word “love.” He thought he had more of a chance of finding true love with either Shayne or Chelsea. He’s enjoyed watching the show and seeing Robin’s competitiveness. Stacey’s brought him another pair of underwear for his collection. Matt is indeed engaged. We’ll find out who the girl is next week, though in either case I’m not sure how enthused most people are considering the choices.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of The Bachelor 12 episode 9, where we find out who the winner is, which airs Monday at 10/9c on ABC.

Watch The Bachelor 12 Online

Beauty and the Geek 5 Episode 8

Randi was obnoxious from the start and continued to get worse as the season went on until she finally got the boot in Beauty and the Geek 5 Episode 6. Greg was also there somewhere, taking the fall for his partner’s actions.

Everybody will be going to a snow resort, Big Bear Lake. Most people are excited, but Chris doesn’t view it with the same elation.

The house will miss Greg, but he left behind a cake that he spent all day baking. They all share it, which turns out to be a very serious religious experience.

On the bus ride to the resort, the group tells stories of dangerous things they’ve done in the past. Chris’ story is about a 50 gallon trash bag full of acetylene, a small room, and a match. Stay on this guy’s good side.

When they do arrive, Chris isn’t any more positive. The rest of the gang is having fun in the snow, while he goes off and stares into the distance on his own, which worries his partner Cara.

The fact that Joe’s got a crush on her is troublesome to Tara, who has no interest in him and doesn’t want to pretend otherwise. She’s more interested in Tommy anyway. In an effort to completely offend Joe, she builds a wall in the middle of their bed so she doesn’t have to get anywhere near him. It’s obvious Tara hasn’t learned anything in her time at the mansion.

Matt has developed a personality in his head that he’s Don Juan, and he wants to go around and be a total pimp. He cuddles for a bit with Cara.

The challenge is about building teamwork and sleds. The beauties will build a sled with the tools their geeks bring them. They can only get one tool at a time. Once the sled’s built, they’ll climb the hill and complete the course together. Joe and Tara fail to communicate, and it’s obvious they will fail the challenge. Cara has no idea what she’s doing and has no plan. Kristina and Jason are having difficulty communicating. She blames him for not knowing what the term “bottom black piece” means. Regardless, they manage to finish the sled a mile ahead of everybody else. She takes full credit and considers him an idiot. They come close but don’t quite finish the course, so they have to go again, good news for the others. They do so much worse the second time and don’t even come close. In this time, Cara manages to finish, and she and Chris get to go. Poorly. They wipe out pretty quickly. Amanda and Tommy are next to finish the sled. Kristina and Jason wipe out a third time. On their first go, Amanda and Tommy cross the finish line and win. They both give each other credit and work well together, something that the first two teams can’t do.

Since everything’s running fairly smoothly, it’s time for a twist, and like all the other twists on this show, it’s not that good of a twist. Each team gets one vote. The team with the most votes will not be returning to the mansion. In the event of a tie, the winners of the challenge will decide.

In the middle of everybody making a decision of who to vote out, Tara and Joe decide this would be the best time to have a loud argument about how she’s ignoring him. She tells him that 60% of the time she can’t stand him and wants to strangle him.

Votes
Kristina & Jason-Tara & Joe (because of the way Tara treats Joe)
Joe & Tara-Kristina & Jason (Tara got her way)
Chris & Cara-Matt & Leticia (because of Cara’s relationships with Kristina and Tara)
Matt & Leticia-Chris & Cara (out of fear of being targeted)

I’d have thought somebody could have played this scenario smarter so it didn’t end up in a 1-1-1-1 tie. With all the teams having a vote against them, that leaves Tommy & Amanda to make the tiebreaking vote. Each of them have picked one team to stay. Tommy picked Matt & Leticia. Amanda, unfortunately, picked Tara & Joe. Because Chris & Cara have taught Amanda a lot, they have chosen Jason & Kristina for elimination.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of Beauty and the Geek 5 episode 9, which airs Tuesday at 8/7c on The CW.

The Bachelor 12 Episode 7

Matt decided that, even though he kept around until the final four, he didn’t really know Noelle, and she was sent home in The Bachelor 12 Episode 6. That leaves us with a final three of Shayne (who arguably just wanted to boost her career as an actress), Chelsea (who has been somewhat cold and distant), and Amanda (I think he actually made the right pick with this one, regardless of the weird hometown date).

The girls are all heading to Barbados for overnight dates.

Shayne is up first. They get their own private island and start off with some water sports. He’s still very impressed by how pretty and at times airheaded she is, but he hopes to find out a little more about serious Shayne. They get into a discussion about what her mom had said, about how she became a bitter wife of a movie star. Shayne tells him that kissing someone on screen (this show notwithstanding?) is anything but romantic. She ensures him she doesn’t care for Brad Pitt… any more. Then she tries to convince him she’s intellectual. Upon finding out that he could see himself with her, she lets him know that she’s falling in love with him.

Amanda gets the second date. Since they’re both afraid of heights, they go on a zipline to jump 110 feet. She tells him she knows she has a problem with expressing emotion but that this is the first time she’s felt like this. She could see herself with him forever. Amanda believes they’ve had a breakthrough and reached the next level.

Chelsea is on the last date. Matt believes that they got off to a rocky start but made a lot of ground at the home visit. They go on a catamaran, and he finds it hard and awkward. The romance is gone, and she seems a million miles away. Matt thinks it’s the worst date. They go swimming with sea turtles, where she’s still distant. He’s got better eye contact with the turtle than with Chelsea. Matt hopes she’ll come to dinner in a different frame of mind. At dinner, he brings up the fact that he’s confused and frustrated. Her defense is that she can’t handle other girls being in the picture, but that she really is into being with him.

Roses
Shayne
Chelsea

I must say I didn’t see that one coming. Amanda isn’t given a rose and will be going home. She’s shocked and can’t make sense out of him telling her he’s meant everything he’s ever said to her. She didn’t want to put out there what she said at dinner because she didn’t want to get hurt, like she has now. Amanda’s got a bit of a temper it seems.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of The Bachelor 12 episode 8, where the women tell all, which airs Monday at 10/9c on ABC.

Watch The Bachelor 12 Online