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The Bachelorette 4 Episode 8

Graham, who’s stuck around for too long, finally got the axe in The Bachelorette 4 Episode 7. At the end of the show, DeAnna said he was the only one she was falling in love with. Yeah, I still don’t get it. Did I blink and miss something?

DeAnna had her heart set on being with Graham, but, well, now that he’s out of the picture, I guess she’ll have to settle for one of these other guys who has to get stuck with her. They’ll all be going to the Bahamas to figure out which of them she’s willing to propose to instead (in a week).

Jeremy wants to let DeAnna know how he feels, but he’s having difficulty expressing himself. She’s picking up on this and fears he’s another Graham. He hopes the romantic dinner setting will improve things. Their very dull conversation doesn’t suggest it is initially, but he finally opens up to the fact that he really does care about her and is afraid to lose her. He tells her he’s fallen in love with her. Her response is that she’s glad that he told her. After dinner, they head to the fantasy suite.

Jason gets the next date. They go off roading in a vehicle with blurred logos, with a destination of a completely secluded picnic. DeAnna’s happy that their talking is not quite so serious as it normally is, and Jason says it finally feels like they’re a couple. At dinner, he tells DeAnna they can talk about both her and Ty if she wants, since they’re the two most important things in his life. He doesn’t have to read the entire fantasy suite card before answering yes. He thanks her for teaching him he can fall in love again. Like Jeremy, he doesn’t get a response to this either, but she tells us she’s falling for him.

DeAnna hopes Jesse is more boyfriend-like on their date than he has been before. They go horseback riding down the beach. Unlike before, he can’t keep his lips off her. They have a discussion about how they both want to start popping out babies right away, they discuss the potential living arrangements (she’s not sure she fits in to his snowboarding lifestyle), and then he tells her he’s falling for her. The statement he made that he doesn’t know if he can share a fantasy suite with her until he meets her dad (that they played again and again throughout the whole episode) turns out to just be a joke, and so they do indeed get a room. She’s happy to have seen his romantic side for a change.

DeAnna tells us that now she’s falling in love with everybody, whereas before she could only think of Graham for some unknown reason.

Roses
Jesse
Jason

Can’t say I called that one. I’m sure I’m not the only one surprised by Jesse being one of the final two. She tells Jeremy he’s perfect, and she’s stupid. Afraid of confusing the bond over the fact that their parents died for romantic feelings, she has decided to let him go. He tells her he’s in love with her. Then it’s time for him to go. He doesn’t want to lose another person that he loves.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Bachelorette 4 episode 9, which airs next on ABC.

Farmer Wants a Wife Winner

The surprise elimination of both Kanisha and Amanda in Farmer Wants a Wife Episode 7 brought us down to the final two: Brooke Ward and Christa Ackerman. Tonight we’ll find out which of them is the Farmer Wants a Wife winner.

Brooke and Christa hate each other. Still.

Matt wants them to be a wife for a day. He’s made a list of what they’ll need to do. He’s got some errands for them to run.

Brooke will have to catch three chickens, which she will exchange for some pies. After that, she has to pick up a starter, deciding between two (picking the wrong one will cost her $100 to return it). At the bait shop, she must collect 20 crickets.

Christa’s first stop is a visit to the mayor, who’s got a rebuilt carburetor waiting. Then she will have to pay the tab at the market (but not until she decides to add sunglasses, beef jerky, and condoms to it). She is surprised to find out they don’t have any sex shops around. Her next stop is for some horse feed. Not knowing what kind of horses to shop for, she thinks pleasure horses sounds appealing. Matt’s got a dead head in the freezer, which she must reluctantly collect and deliver.

Matt arrives at lunch before they both get back. After both the girls are done with their chores, they run into each other, and from there it’s a mad dash to see who gets back first. Christa is the first one to return home. She gives him the sunglasses (he doesn’t know whether she’s serious). He’s happy with what she’s brought back. Brooke returns, and Matt is also happy with what she returns with.

Matt wants to go on a date with both of them later, but not at the same time again. Brooke will get the first date in the afternoon, with Christa in the evening. Brooke’s got 30 minutes to get ready. He believes she will like anything outdoors, so they go four wheeling to a picnic. He hopes she will become a bit unreserved, as he feels it takes her a while to warm up. He asks her point blank why she’s still holding back. She can’t tell him she loves him because there’s another girl in the picture. After the date is over, she thinks she totally blew it.

Brooke got the fun date. Now Christa gets the romantic date. Matt pulls up on a horsedrawn carriage for a night beneath the stars. Brooke insists on torturing herself and having a look out the window to watch them riding off into the sunset, and she thinks she’s toast. The carriage takes them to his house for a candlelit dinner. There are dead deer heads on his wall, which creeps her out. Her concern is what she will do for work when she moves there. He is happy with how she’s not holding back. There seems to be quite a bit more kissing going on here than there was on Brooke’s date. When she returns, Brooke’s worried, and the fact that Brooke didn’t get a real kiss doesn’t help her fears.

Waiting around for Matt to come make his decision, the girls find out they won’t be alone. The entire town is there (yeah, probably every single person in the town). The mayor is on stage with a band playing in the background. It’s a little on the creepy side. Matt takes the stage and must now pick a wife. He’ll have a cropduster fly over with his choice.

The Farmer Wants a Wife winner is Brooke. Can’t say I’m surprised. If he chose Christa, I would have had to throw something. Matt tells Christa he learned more from her than anybody else, but he feels a stronger bond with Brooke. Both of them say they’ve fallen in love with each other, and she seems to fit in quite well with this small town and its people. Christa’s disappointed with having lost, but she doesn’t seem overly upset that she will be going back to the city.

So what’s next for Farmer Wants a Wife? Given the show’s ratings, I’m not expecting it back, but this is The CW, where anything goes. It may have done well enough where they want to try it again after a season of originals of America’s Next Top Model. Granted, it’s entirely possible by this time next year that the experiment known as The CW may be over, so it’s really anybody’s guess what happens from here.

America’s Got Talent 3 Episode 2

America’s Got Talent 3 Episode 1 brought us some more talented individuals (and some not so talented ones). Opera singer Neal Boyd looks to be the frontrunner thus far, although 4-year-old Kaitlyn Maher captured the most attention.

Tonight we start off in Los Angeles.

55-year-old part-time nanny Victoria has been waiting for this break her whole life. She’s a singing fairy. Oh no. Do we really need to see this to know how badly she’ll bomb? Piers buzzes her quickly. Then the audience boos her. Hasselhoff buzzes her. Sharon wants her to keep going. Piers calls her a bit weird and says that her dream is his nightmare.

Eli Mattson typically travels for days on buses just praying he’ll finally hit the right random place on the map. He sings Walking in Memphis while playing the keyboard. He’s pretty good, if not quite great. Piers tells him he’s got talent. Sharon can’t believe he hasn’t been signed. Hasselhoff’s reminded of a young Billy Joel.

Former small town gal Cassie now works in a bar and has purple hair and tattoos all over. Her stage name is Miss Pussykatt. In an effort to prove to her parents that her talents can take her somewhere, she does a grinding act, where she shoots sparks off the metal clothing she’s wearing. She won’t win $1 million with this, but it’s entertaining to watch nonetheless.

Lil Countrie & Page 1NE survived hurricane Katrina but are pressing on. They tell a story about their uncle, who sacrificed himself so that the kids could be rescued instead. They perform a very impressive acrobatic dance act. Hasselhoff calls them the best tumblers he’s ever seen. Sharon calls them brilliant. (Video of Lil Countrie & Page’s performance)

Next stop is New York.

Michael is an extreme percussionist. His act is called Drumtazia. Does anybody tonight not have a stupid name? I don’t get this act, stupid name or not. At least they finally buzzed him. Piers tells him he’s a complete and utter looney.

Family boy band Next II None (what, you expected a name that wasn’t stupid?) sings Bye Bye Bye. They’re bouncing around too much to really judge their singing ability, but they’re good performers. Sharon notices a lack of a great lead singer but appreciates what they did. Piers likes the whole package. They’re going through to the next round.

The Canadian Russian Bar Trio consists of two men (holding a bar) and one woman (doing gymnastics on the bar). The bar is about 4 inches wide, and they’re bouncing her about 10 or 15 feet in the air. I’m impressed she didn’t break anything. They’re going to continue on. (Video of Russian Bar Trio’s performance)

Ozzy Osbourne impersonator The Ozzman is happy to meet Sharon. She’s not quite as happy to meet him and listen to him suck. Piers gives him a yes to give Sharon a hard time, but the other two reject him. He promises us he’ll be back.

The Taubl family is a group of string musicians, with parents and kids of varying ages. Piers buzzes them. Eventually, they begin singing as well. They’re good, but I doubt to what extent they’d be entertaining to watch for any length of time. Hasselhoff calls them an excellent act. Piers sort of admits he may be a tiny bit wrong and wants them to continue on.

The DC Cowboys are fit guys who plan to dance and shake their butts. They’re bound to have the women on their feet, even if most of them are probably gay. Hasselhoff thinks America will love them. Piers thought it was good fun.

Next stop is Chicago. So like do we keep going round and round in circles to the same cities each week?

Kevin Taylor (look, a real name) is a brick breaker. He hopes this appearance will allow him to be taken seriously. He will break 100 bricks on fire. He gets through it just fine, despite his hand catching on fire. Don’t try this at home. Sharon says no because she doesn’t want to see him get hurt. Hasselhoff says yes. After convincing him it won’t be more of the same (which was my concern as well), Piers lets him through.

Chellena Black-Harris is a singer who two years ago was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She’s happy to have the opportunity to be able to perform now. It only takes a few notes for her to show she’s got talent. Hasselhoff says this is what the show’s all about. Piers calls it good but not great, with three or four singers that have gone through who are better than her. The audience lets him know they’re fully behind her, and he agrees to let her go to Vegas.

Johnny Olshavsky is a magician. Piers is quick to buzz. Then the audience boos. Then everybody buzzes him. Piers doesn’t even want to let him speak. If only there were a point to this act.

Following a pathetic magicians montage, husband and wife Jonathan and Charlotte Pendragon come out. He tells us a story of how he nearly died when an arrow went through him. He hops in a case, and she ties/locks him up. They end up reversing positions, and when the case is opened, she’s the one tied up inside it. This magic act finally gets a thumbs up.

The rest of the tribute acts have fallen on their faces. Now it’s time for the king. Joseph Hall is one of 8 million Elvis impersonators. Jerry Springer tells us Elvis is not dead (he just went home). Piers likes that he sings how he looks. Sharon wants to keep staring at him and wants to know whether she’d be robbing the cradle. (Video of Joseph Hall’s performance)

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another recap of America’s Got Talent 3 episode 3, which airs Tuesday at 9/8c on NBC.

The Mole 5 Episode 4

Ali took $30,000 in exchange for quitting the game in The Mole 5 Episode 3. It wasn’t over there, though, and Bobby, who appeared to be overplaying the game, was also sent home.

Victoria says she can’t trust anyone now that Bobby’s gone.

The players are going to the Andes in Argentina. They divide into two teams of four.

Selfish: Victoria, Nicole, Clay, Kristen
Selfless: Paul, Alex, Craig, Mark

They’ll be dealing with 200 gold bricks, weighing in at 5 pounds each. They’re reliving the trek of carrying gold back to Spain and will have to carry the bars up the mountain, from 7200 feet altitude they’re currently at to 10000 feet at the summit. There is an exemption in play for the winning team. Teams are only as fast as their slowest players. The selfish team takes far fewer bricks than the selfless team, 23 as compared with 39.

Clay takes fewer bricks than his teammate Kristen. Nicole, who takes the fewest bricks, is the first to stop. She says this is gameplay. They’re greeted by Jon on a bench. They’ve gotta carry scales to the top. 10 pounds or 20 pounds. Since the selfish team is first, they get to pick first, but they must choose without lifting them. They happen to choose the 10 pound scale. They arrive at the top first, earning $5,750 for the pot.

Craig believes he’s the weakest player. His team seems to agree. This team is 300 yards behind at the scales. Mark picks up the 20 pound scale they’re forced to take. He decides to leave bricks behind for some reason, bringing them down to 34 bricks. They’re afraid as they approach the top that Craig won’t be able to make it. They arrive with 30 seconds to spare, though. Their 34 bricks are worth $8,500.

Pot total: $143,250 out of $340,000

The selfish team has earned the exemption for being the first team to the top. But there’s only one exemption. They must unanimously decide who is exempt. If they can’t decide, nobody gets the exemption, and they will forfeit all the money that both teams have earned. Kristen and Clay get votes. It becomes apparent Clay won’t back down, so they agree to give him the exemption.

Craig gets hypothermia and needs medical attention when they get back down the mountain. He slips in and out of consciousness. They haul him off in an ambulance.

Craig returns on the condition that he stays warm. He does not join them for dinner.

Alex and Victoria are apparently forming a coalition.

Mark reiterates that he doesn’t have OCD with his journal. With that said, Jon confiscates their journals. Some are more concerned than others. He brings the journals back. What’s the catch? He’s written down a few of his favorite comments. The mission is called “Who said that?” He bumps the pot total up to $144,000. If they guess who said it, they’ll get an additional $2,000. Victoria promises up front. Nothing particularly useful is revealed, and they manage to get 5 out of 7 correct, including one that Victoria’s allowed to confess saying after Nicole gets it wrong. Nicole’s blinking and coughing and hand waving causes them to lose one answer, leaving them with $8,000 for the task.

Pot total: $152,000 out of $354,000

After dinner, they’re going out to the river in the middle of the night. Jon wants to know who’s willing to sacrifice their journal. Alex and Paul say they’re willing. It’s floating through people’s heads that there may be an exemption on the line. Alex and Paul decide between them that it’ll be Alex. He’s not alone, though. Everybody’s journals are burned. Rather, everybody else’s journals are burned. Because Alex was willing to sacrifice his journal, his journal is the only one that’s safe. Mark’s pissed off, then disappears.

Having stayed home, Craig gets to keep his journal. Mark gets more upset still.

Nicole suspects Victoria but mostly just wants to get through the quiz as quickly as possible. Victoria found Clay wanting an exemption suspicious.

There’s a tie. The player with the slowest time will be executed. That’s a difference of only 5 seconds.

Paul is safe.
Alex is safe.
Mark is safe.
Victoria is executed.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Mole 5 episode 5, which airs Monday at 10/9c on ABC.