Author: Shane

ABC today announced the cast of Dancing With the Stars 5. Yeah, I never heard of most of them either.

MELANIE BROWN – Scary Spice of the Spice Girls. Partnered with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

SABRINA BRYAN – Cheetah Girl. I guess the cast isn’t complete without someone from Disney. Partnered with Mark Ballas.

HELIO CASTRONEVES – Two-time Indy 500 champ. Partnered with Julianne Hough.

MARK CUBAN – Owner of Dallas Mavericks. Partnered with Kym Johnson.

JENNIE GARTH – Kelly from 90210, Valerie from What I Like About You. Partnered with Derek Hough, brother of Julianne Hough.

JOSIE MARAN – Model/actress. Partnered with season 1 winner Alec Mazo.

CAMERON MATHISON – Ryan Lavery on All My Children. Partnered with Edyta Slwinska.

FLOYD MAYWEATHER – Six-time world boxing champion. Partnered with Karina Smirnoff.

WAYNE NEWTON – Mr. Las Vegas. Partnered with two-time champ Cheryl Burke.

MARIE OSMOND – Co-host of The Donny & Marie Show. Partnered with Jonathan Roberts.

ALBERT REED – Model/other stuff. Partnered with Anna Trebunskaya.

JANE SEYMOUR – Lengthy acting career spanning 5 decades. Partnered with Tony Dovolani.

The show starts Monday September 24th at 8/7c.

Pirate Master was the new show from Mark Burnett that I initially expected to be the replacement for Survivor when it finally gets retired. I have no doubt that was the plan… until the ratings came in. CBS quietly moved it to Mondays from the prime Thursday at 8 spot, then promptly cancelled the show. However, they did run the remaining episodes online for those who were still interested in watching it. If you haven’t seen the rest of the season and don’t want to be spoiled, you might want to Watch Pirate Master online on CBS’ website.

We’re down now to the final three, and I’d say it’s one of the better final threes I’ve seen in quite some time on any show. Jay Hatkow was the snake who controlled every boot from the beginning without ever actually being the leader, and despite the fact that everybody knew he was in control, nobody seemed to want to do anything about it because they all trusted him. He’s the kind of guy who normally comes in second or third due to bitterness/fear. Christa DeAngelo got into power at the right time and proved to be a great captain. While she made some very dangerous decisions, I have to give her credit for playing a respectable game and wanting to go up against the best competition available. Of the three, I’d give Ben Fagan the least praise, but he positioned himself very well in the two most powerful alliances. All three have been very strong throughout the season in the competitions. Even at this late stage of the game, it still hasn’t been explained exactly how the winner will be determined.

For the first time, the pirates are on their own. All three must compete against each other, and whoever wins the competition will be safe, with the other two in danger of being cut adrift. Throughout the final competition, Ben and Jay were neck and neck, and the two were well ahead of Christa. Being in the lead, both guys proceeded to sabotage Christa, cutting the rope bridge so she had to go a longer way. Ben managed to get to the treasure just seconds ahead of Jay. He splits his $50,000 treasure evenly with the other two. Definitely not the final two I was looking for, regardless of who else is in it, but I do give Ben credit for a good game. The decision of who goes to the end with Ben is up to the jury. Will they reward Jay for his dominance or be bitter and get revenge?

The entire cast returns for the jury. Christa says her strategy was to lay low in the beginning and find someone more aggressive to help her out, to which she adds that she’s doing this for her daughter. Jay is honest. No need to sugarcoat it or apologize. He acknowledges he was responsible for the eliminations of just about everyone. He says he’s a nice guy who just did bad things.

Nessa tells Jay he was too aggressive and cruel for no reason. She then turns toward Ben to criticize him, pointlessly, and Cameron reminds her Ben isn’t on trial. Cheryl has no respect for any of the three. Kendra, who was useless the entire time, makes a personal attack against Christa for being a stay-at-home mom. Joe Don claims to be indifferent with Jay but that Christa just followed Jay. Azymuth says Christa just floated by and that Jay just lied the whole time. Bunch of whiners. John is the first person to finally compliment someone. Wow, who’d have thunk it? The crazy guy is the one who’s the least bitter. He admires Jay’s skill and Christa’s heart.

Bitterness triumphs over gameplay. Hard. Jay is eliminated by a vote of 12-1. Is this officially the most bitter jury in history? Christa moves on to the finals with Ben. Cameron goes on to reveal a cryptic message about the adventure being far from over. Yeah, I still have no clue what’s going on, and the season’s about 40 minutes from being over.

Following their silly voting, half the ghosts proceed to believe they are on vacation and are more interested in getting a tan than helping sail the ship. Without knowledge of what’s going to happen, it doesn’t seem to make much sense. Ben makes amends with Louie, giving him the treasure he won ($12,000) in the expedition he threw.

In the final pirate’s court, the ghosts have to give their reasons why they should be picked for the final expedition. About half the jury gives positive Christa comments, an indication that perhaps their entire reasoning for voting wasn’t just because they’re sore losers (which they are), and the rest says they’ll try their hardest no matter what. Ben views this as a challenge and comes back with one of the best speeches ever. He lets them know they’ve lit a fire under him, offers up everything he’s won so far ($80,000) if his crew wins, and speaks of his record of having only lost two times (one of which he lost on purpose). Christa in turn offers up what she’s won ($70,000). They must pick three people each, to make the teams two men and two women each.

Ben picks: Cheryl, Azymuth, Nessa

Christa picks: John, Jay, Nessa

Nessa must decide which crew to join. Nessa said she would rather see Christa win. Ben offers $10,000, win or lose. Christa offers Nessa Jay’s share of the money, then follows it up by offering John’s share as well, plus $10,000, win or lose. Harsh, but she’s just nice enough to pull it off, as both men are okay with this decision. I don’t like the fact that Ben keeps going first because Christa just keeps stealing his great ideas. Nessa obviously goes with Christa’s offer. Ben’s got slim pickings, but his replacement pick is Jupiter, the best of the rest.

In the last expedition, it’s a pretty close race until they get to one of the puzzles. Then it looks like Christa’s team is going to be blown out. Lucky for her she picked Jay, though. He spies on the other team and figures out the clue without finishing the task. This would be frowned on in almost every reality show, but not this one. As a result, Christa catches up to Ben, but Ben figures out the clue first and proceeds to fly down the hill toward the final treasure chest, which has been on the ship with them the whole time. Christa catches up again, but I never got the sense she was going to pull out the win.

And the Pirate Master is… Ben. As much as I thought I’d be disappointed by Ben winning, I’ve been more impressed with him during the last half hour than I was the rest of the season. He had a positive message, upbeat attitude, and some of the most convincing and smart arguments I’ve heard from a reality contestant. Still, I can’t say I particularly care for the winner being chosen on the basis of one last challenge win, but given the quality of this jury, perhaps it’s better this way.

We obviously won’t be seeing this show again for a season 2, but I found this season to be enjoyable.