Big Brother 13 Episode 2

Anybody remember classic Big Brother when it was just a bunch of strangers in a house without constantly changing rules? Once again, this season will not be that. Big Brother 13 Episode 1 showed us that, as again they threw the rule book out the window and presented us with three twists that can only serve to make things suck. As it is, I’m already not happy about the concept of returning house guests (it may work for Survivor and The Amazing Race, but it does not work for Big Brother), let alone the morons that they chose.

Adam wants a golden key and is willing to throw his partner under the bus to get it.

I see they have still do not understand the definition of a floater. A floater is someone that floats back and forth between the powers. Not merely somebody who doesn’t do anything or refuses to win competitions (because only idiots win competitions they don’t need to win).

Porsche wants to team with the “all stars.” Keith plays along but thinks it’s a stupid idea.

The bad news for Jeff & Jordan is they’re pretty much stuck teaming up with the villains.

Dominic, Keith, and Lawon have a side alliance to protect each other. Not good news for Adam, Porsche, and Kalia. Dominic later approaches Cassi to add her to the fray. The alliance would not be complete without a stupid nickname, The Regulators.

ED says Brendon & Rachel weren’t the greatest strategists in their season. Do you want to be the pot today, or would you like to be the kettle? He only got as far as he did because of America’s Choice and Eric being a dumbass.

Brendon tells Rachel she doesn’t need to alter her body to feel more confident. Have you seen her chest lately? I’m sure you have.

Porsche quickly leaps at the opportunity to switch sides, and she’s not shy of telling her partner that, which he of course spreads to the others.

The first have not competition is for an uncomfortable room, cold showers, and slop. Brendon & Rachel are automatically haves for the week. Adam & Dominic pair up with Keith & Porsche on the green team. Shelly & Cassi team up with Kalia & Lawon to form the orange team. Dick & Daniele team up with Jeff & Jordan on the blue team.

After they get dressed up as cows, they walk out into the back with a moon and lots of milk. Their milk-powered spacecraft needs refueling. Where do they get their writers anyway, and do they get paid by the very bad pun? They have to dive into the milk and then return and squeeze out as much milk as they can. Jordan informs us there’s no such thing as space cows. Thanks for that.

Green team fills up the first jug first on their way to six. Keith is having a little too much fun being the milker, while Lawon takes the opportunity to strangle his partner. Blue team takes a 1 jug lead with their fourth. In the end, the blue team ends up winning. Green team’s got 1 jug lead over the orange team, so it’s only a matter of time. The orange team of Shelly, Cassi, Kalia, and Lawon are the have nots for the week.

The have not room is an insane asylum. Appropriate. The lights in the room cannot be turned off ever.

Adam gets the same offer from ED that Porsche did. Jeff’s happy to let him do the dirty work. Unlike Porsche, who jumped without thinking about it, Adam is skeptical. He agrees, but he will only play along to the extent he has to do so.

Rachel wants to get rid of Keith, but she doesn’t trust Porsche. She tells us she won’t make emotional decisions this season.

Brendon is automatically safe.
Daniele & Dick are safe.
Jordan & Jeff are safe.
Lawon & Kalia are safe.
Shelly & Cassi are safe.
Adam & Dominic are safe.

Keith & Porsche have been nominated for eviction. Porsche is pretty shocked that her alliance with the all stars got her nominated. Really? Keith’s comfortable that he has The Regulators on his side, but he’s going to need more than that.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Big Brother 13 Episode 3, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.

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