Big Brother 8 Episode 33

Last night I did make a post about the Big Brother 8 winner but didn’t actually end up watching more than a couple minutes of the show for fear of it sucking worse than Beauty and the Geek 4. But I wanted to see the America’s Player reveal, and I figure this surely won’t be painful like Big Brother 8 episode 32 was, so I decided to go ahead and recap it, proceeding with caution.

We start off with Julie continuing to play up the lame estranged father/daughter storyline and pretending Dick isn’t delusional about having such a great team. C’mon, Chenbot, give us something not scripted.

The jury couldn’t care less whether it’s Dick or Danielle who walks through the door, as long as it’s one of them. Hope. Dashed. In walks Zach.

Eric is forced to participate in this ridiculous and stupid America’s Player one last time. Not only does he not get a vote, since he was only in the house for two and a half months, but to add insult to injury, he must also campaign for whoever America wants. Of course, America chose Dick.

The argument against Dick is obvious: he was so vile to every single one of these people with his unnecessary, pointless, and stupid in a game sense personal attacks that he doesn’t deserve to win. The argument against Danielle is equally obvious: she’s just a whiny brat who didn’t do anything but win competitions.

Jen begins talking about how she can’t condone what Dick did to her. Amber goes off on her because she called a truce with him (a truce that, briefly, got him to treat her like a human being). Oh, shut up, Amber. Eric manages to get the discussion back on track. Dustin asks whether they can look past the personal attacks. Considering Dick attacked Jen nonstop for weeks on end, I don’t see how or why she should. However, the rest weren’t quite as badly impacted by him.

Jessica points out that Danielle’s not any better than her father. She hated every single person on the jury and was nasty to all of them. She just wasn’t as vocal and abrasive about it.

Jameka says Danielle is the pimp, and ED is the ho.

Opening up the question period, Dick pretends they have had the hardest game of anyone in the house. Harder than Eric having to take stupid orders from America. Harder than Jen and Kail having to put up with Dick’s abuse. Harder than Jessica, Dustin, and Amber also getting screwed over than America. Harder than Zach, who was forced to play chess alone for a month because nobody liked him. He tries to convince them (or is he trying to convince himself) that he and Danielle were the best team in the history of Big Brother.

Amber’s question is completely irrelevant, but this is Amber we’re talking about. She asks why she should give Danielle a vote considering what she did to her boyfriend (the one she hasn’t mentioned in two months) on national television. She calls her a very pathetic person, which draws a laugh from the jury. It’s funny because it’s true.

Back to Dick pretending and telling his own version of the truth. He tells Jessica he never lied to her. Oh, that’s right. It was a “last minute decision.”

Eric asks a question with which Dick could earn some brownie points, but this is Dick we’re talking about here. Why does each jury member deserve to be in the final two? Dick says: Dustin doesn’t, Jen absolutely doesn’t, Amber never made a big move, Jessica made some moves but tried not to bloody her hands too much, Eric was the best player in the game (wow, a compliment), Zach came on huge at the end.

Zach asks Danielle to say something positive about the jury. What a load of BS. Much snickering ensues. Dick, no, he doesn’t even pretend. He just insults people, and even the positive comments are viewed as insults (or at least just simply not worth listening to).

Jen asks Dick whether he thinks the experience has helped him build a relationship with Danielle. Okay, which producer made her say that?

In Dick’s final speech to the jury, he talks about how he changed the game completely by… getting Eric to go along with what America wanted. He says he did a lot of the dirty work, and Danielle didn’t look too pleased with him saying that. Afterwards, Danielle begins whining because she believes he campaigned against her.

Jen wishes she could vote for anyone else. Jessica’s voting for the person she enjoyed most in the house.

Dick’s son, Vincent, says Dick’s always like this.

Jessica looks pretty hot, while Nick finally has a haircut that doesn’t make him look like a dork.

It’s now time to reveal the America’s Player twist. Most of them seem to take it pretty well, and for once, the recap is actually enjoyable, unlike that crap they had us watch on Sunday night. He immediately begins whispering in Jessica’s ear, and she says she’s not mad at him. I do wonder whether he already hinted to her about it at the jury house. Dick realizes he’s not as great as he thinks, but he’s probably happy that he was the most popular houseguest for most of the season. Dustin thinks he was voted out because he was a threat.

And lastly, it’s time to vote. Yay! Let’s put this season out of its misery and just hope they don’t make the rigging even more obvious next year (if we keep going down this path, Big Brother will be casting all the votes by the time we get to BB11).

Eric: Dick
Jameka: Danielle
Dustin: Dick
Jen: Danielle
Zach: Dick
Amber: Dick

Dick is the winner of Big Brother 8 by a vote of 5-2 (Jessica also voted for Dick).

When asked how she feels, Danielle says that she knows nobody believes her (which we don’t), but she’s completely ecstatic.

Julie asks if they want to be on The Amazing Race. Please. God. No. Didn’t you do enough damage with Family Edition? And so ends this season of it’s our show we’ll do what we want.

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