dingoRUE

As much as he wanted to sink Richard Hatch for physically violating him, in a story that got more severe each time he told it, David Cassidy just didn’t have the fight Trump was looking for in The Celebrity Apprentice 4 Episode 1 and was the first person to be fired.

The guys predicted the outcome as it went down and were happy to see Richard Hatch back in the fold. Jose Canseco, however, is not happy.

Having been called a little girl, Lisa Rinna realizes she can’t trust anybody.

As the winning project manager, Star Jones is able to give the task’s money to the man who she credits with saving her life, since he diagnosed and treated her heart problem.

Ivanka’s got the week off, so that means we get Eric instead.

This week’s task is to write a children’s book based on at least one member of their team. They will be judged on originality, presentation to the kids, and age appropriateness. They will be judged by a book publisher and Holly Robinson Peete (what?).

Meat Loaf will be the project manager for the men because nobody else wants to. Lisa Rinna will be the project manager for the women because the others insist. NeNe says they chose her because she won’t be able to handle it, so they can just get rid of her now.

Mark McGrath and John Rich will be the writers for their team. Mark’s idea is that Lil John turns into a super hero.

Unlike the men, the women do not have clearly defined roles, which just means they’re yelling over each other.

When they meet with the book publisher, the men are told to stay away from rhymes unless they have someone who really knows how to make it work. John Rich takes this as a challenge.

The men dismiss Jose’s ideas. He finds this offensive because he wrote two books. Well, let me know how you can apply Major League Baseball steroid abuse to children, and we’ll talk. He proceeds to rant about why he dislikes what they’re doing, but he has no idea how to correct it.

After much discussion, the women finally come up with a concept, a little lion who doesn’t know how to roar. They’re desperately trying to tie this in with deafness and sign language. Whether they have a deaf person on their team or not, Dionne’s concern is that this is not age appropriate for 4 and 5 year olds. Lisa finally makes a decision, opting to go with a fun story rather than a heavy moral one.

Meat Loaf sends Jose and Gary to the wrong address with the props. Offering up a critique of himself, he says he’s doing horrible as a project manager. When he realizes it, he either fails to leave a voicemail, or Jose just doesn’t check it. Regardless, Jose and Gary have spent half an hour in the wrong place. So then Jose calls up their contact and starts arguing with her, leading to both of them having a power trip. He’s famous (or was at one time), and she’s the boss.

By the time Eric arrives, he’s there to watch the fireworks between Meat Loaf and Gary and Jose.

Niki remains concerned about the direction the women are going, still too old for their audience.

Star thinks she’s been assigned to too many tasks. Along with NeNe, she will be writing, illustrating, coloring, and picking the font (picking the font, really?).

At the costume shop, it’s Mark’s turn to babysit Gary. Meanwhile, Jose will be dressing as a woman, and so will Hatch.

Don Jr. has concerns that the women don’t have an original idea, one of the three key criteria he gave them at the start of the task.

While the rest of the team is elsewhere, they call Star to get a cover printed. Lisa has not approved a cover, and Star refuses to do so in her absence, nor will she print one until it’s approved. Before Lisa approves the cover, Star would like a favor. Not content with the team getting credit for the book, Star wants her name on the cover. Lisa shoots this idea down. Good. If she wanted her name, she should have made the cover rather than being difficult just for the sake of being difficult. Dionne pipes up. She wants her name on the cover, too. What’s wrong with these chicks? After much bickering, Lisa is told by Star to make a decision, so she repeats what she’s already said 12 times. It’s a team effort. It will say Team ASAP. Accept it and move on. Lisa realizes she’s the captain of the Titanic, but regardless she doesn’t want to be taken down by a bunch of bitches.

Based on size alone, Jose has been assigned to be Mrs. Canseco. Meat Loaf later realizes that he’s given Jose a very large part with a lot of words.

At the presentation, the women manage to put their bickering aside, and they deliver a presentation that everybody is receptive to. The men have been far more cohesive throughout, so it’s no surprise when they likewise deliver a good presentation.

Meat Loaf says his whole team consists of stars. Nobody negative, not even Jose.

Gary thought Meat was incredible. Richard liked his project management style.

After beating around the bush, Trump asks a question Meat Loaf’s more willing to answer: who was the hardest one to handle? Gary has trouble focusing. As they’re talking about Gary, he asks whether they’re talking about him. Well, that about sums up his lack of focus.

Dionne thought Lisa had a lot to learn.

NeNe was surprised at Lisa, in a bad way. This from the woman who expected Lisa to fail from the beginning.

When Trump tosses the books across the table, the men struggle with a simple problem: they can’t read the other team’s book.

The judges liked the way Lisa held up the book and showed it to the audience, La Toya in her role, the repetition in the story, and the audience participation. They didn’t like that the lead character was not as fleshed out in the book as it was on stage, the font (that Star claimed as one of her main responsibilities) was too small, and the theme was too sophisticated. So basically what was lacking most was what Dionne and Star insisted on taking credit for, very vocally.

As for the men, they thought the story was incredible, the rhyming was terrific, and it was age appropriate. However, Jose was very stiff, they didn’t like his character, they thought the confetti may have scared the children, and Meat Loaf should have held up the book while narrating.

The men’s team wins. As the winning project manager, an emotional Meat Loaf gets $20,000 for his charity, The Painted Turtle. Additionally, Trump will get their book published, and that will also go to the charity.

Lisa says that she received physical support from her team, but not emotional support. Dionne did not. Star did, in the way she does, without kindness.

Lisa acknowledges she has much to learn, to which Star giggles.

NeNe thinks everybody is wrong, although she agrees Lisa was not a good project manager.

Trump says that they lost largely because of the theme, which would fall on Dionne, but Star does not think Dionne should be fired. Niki objected to the theme, agreeing it was not age appropriate.

Star’s defense is that the theme and the book may not have been great, but at least they had something.

Marlee would fire Dionne. Not because of the theme. She’s intimidating.

Star and Dionne will be going back to the boardroom with Lisa, which we’ve seen brewing since about half way through the episode.

Lisa says that she won’t fight dirty, and she’s not used to this kind of negative energy. She realizes they want her fired.

It’s pretty obvious how this is unfolding. Whether Star and Dionne screwed up and were overbearing throughout, Lisa’s lack of fight is going to be her undoing. That said, Lisa has been fired.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Celebrity Apprentice 4 Episode 3, which airs Sunday at 9/8c on NBC.