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The Biggest Loser 12 Episode 4

Patrick asked to be sent home in The Biggest Loser Season 12 Episode 3 and got his wish.

Keeping with the age theme, the middle group gets to meet and workout with Hannah from last season, the youngest group meets Adam from season 10, and the oldest group meets Marci from last season.

Courtney grew up playing high school sports but eventually gave up due to her weight. Dolvett wants to remind her how much she loves sports. His philosophy is that, just like in life, something may get in the way, but you have to go around it.

The challenge is to pass a box through snow, wind, and rain. In 100 degree heat, I’d think snow, rain, and wind would be a welcome refreshment. The prize is letters from home. Jennifer will sit out for medical reasons. Red team’s in the lead, black team a bit behind, and blue team in last. As we’ve seen before, the black team eventually passes the red team, while the blue team just hopes to make their way to to the finish line eventually. In a close battle to the top of the hill, the black team ends up winning as usual. Since everybody finished, everybody gets to read their letters. As a bonus, the black team gets video chats.

Seeing as they have a tennis pro as one of their trainers, it makes sense that this season a tennis court has been added to the ranch, giving Anna’s team a unique opportunity to do their last chance workout with her doing tennis drills.

Bob’s team heads into the pool, where Joe’s fear of drowning takes center stage. At least he can say Bob Harper taught him how to swim.

Mike: 268 pounds (-5, , 1.83%)
Becky: 212 pounds (-2, 0.93%)
Bonnie: 233 pounds (-7, 2.92%)
Blue Total: 713 pounds (-14, 1.93%)

Joe: 301 pounds (-6, 1.95%)
Sunny: 241 pounds (-4, 1.63%)
Antone: 381 pounds (-8, 2.06%)
John: 366 pounds (-9, 2.40%)
Jennifer: 282 pounds (-7, 2.42%)
Black Total: 1571 pounds (-34, 2.12%)

Courtney: 237 pounds (-3, 1.25%)
Jessica: 219 pounds (-2, 0.90%)
Vinny: 382 pounds (-8, 2.05%)
Ramon: 311 pounds (-11, 3.42%)
Red Total: 1149 pounds (-24, 2.05%)

In a very tight race, the blue team will be heading back to the elimination room, where they will have to choose between Mike and Becky. That gives Bonnie the deciding vote.

Votes
Bonnie: Mike

With 1 vote, Mike is not The Biggest Loser. From his starting weight of 309, he’s down 70 pounds to 239 today.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Biggest Loser Season 12 Episode 5, which airs Tuesday at 8/7c on NBC.

The Amazing Race 19 Episode 3

A pair of bad twists led to the elimination of to both Ron & Bill and Ethan & Jenna in The Amazing Race 19 Episode 2. If 8 out of 11 teams miss a clue (that’s different than the clue they have been given), it’s a bad clue.

Teams depart in the order in which they arrived. Looks like missing the clue was worth about 45 minutes.

First: Andy & Tommy – 7:38AM
Second: Laurence & Zac – 7:57AM
Third: Kaylani & Lisa – 8:02AM
Fourth: Ernie & Cindy – 8:14AM
Fifth: Liz & Marie – 8:18AM
Sixth: Jeremy & Sandy – 8:21AM
Seventh: Bill & Cathi – 8:22AM
Eighth: Justin & Jennifer – 8:31AM
Ninth: Amani & Marcus – 8:32AM

Teams will join a group of local enthusiasts who reenact the Dutch bicycle patrols of the 1940s. Simple enough task, unless you’re unlucky and have your pedal fall off like Ernie, a mishap that allows them to be passed by four teams. They will then head from the city into the countryside in Salakmalang Village.

The detour is a choice between rice field or grass fed. In rice field, they will plant 300 rice seedlings. In grass fed, they will fill two bags with freshly cut grass, pick up two sheep, and collect six buckets of water from the well. The rice task seems a lot less physical but potentially more time consuming. But ultimately the planting proves to be muddy but not bad, giving the two all female teams that choose it a boost toward the front of the pack.

Rice field: Kaylani & Lisa, Liz & Marie, Amani & Marcus (switched from grass fed after not having enough grass)
Grass fed: Andy & Tommy, Laurence & Zac, Justin & Jennifer, Jeremy & Sandy, Ernie & Cindy, Bill & Cathi

The only trick on the grass detour seems to be the ability to fill their bags completely, which more than one team fails to do. Laurence & Zac also fail to read their clue properly, using four buckets when they’re only supposed to use two. Then there’s Cathi’s struggle with remaining on two legs. While they’re all on their detour, Amani & Marcus are lost in their cab.

Built in the 8th century but only recently uncovered and restored, Borobudur Temple is the next destination, and they have to hike its stairs to get the road block clue. On the way there, Jeremy & Sandy have their taxi break down, so they’ll have to run the 1km and hope they won’t be needing a cab again. The road block for this leg of the race is to count buddha statues and be able to demonstrate the hand positions of each buddha.

Road block (in order of arrival): Laurence, Tommy, Lisa, Marie, Bill, Ernie, Justin, Jeremy, Marcus

As all the guys take this road block, it doesn’t seem anybody is very forward thinking here. They should be saving them for strength based tasks. Working together, Laurence and Tommy are the only ones remotely close to the right answer on their first try, having only failed to account for the hand positions, which they do the second time through. A couple of the other teams at least have the right number, just no idea that there are four different ones. Meanwhile, some teams are counting into the hundreds. Eventually, the teams actually read their clues. Imagine that. It tells them what they need to do. Ernie, Justin, Jeremy, and one of the twins decide to work together and each count one hand gesture.

As Andy & Tommy are leaving, they give the answer to Amani & Marcus, who are in dead last. Therein lies the problem with tasks like this. If teams can just use shared answers without doing any work, it defeats the whole purpose. It doesn’t end up mattering, though, as the person paying attention to what they were saying, Amani, opted not to do the road block. He’s left to work with the showgirl to catch up with the group of four and Bill.

As close as it is, whether they have cabs or not may make a difference. Jeremy & Sandy don’t have one because theirs broke down. Amani & Marcus sent theirs away.

The grounds of Borobudur Temple are the pit stop for this leg of the race. It’s here that Laurence & Zac find out that they used too many buckets, and they incur a 15 minute penalty.

First: Andy & Tommy (win a trip to Dubai)
Second: Laurence & Zac
Third: Jeremy & Sandy
Fourth: Justin & Jennifer
Fifth: Ernie & Cindy
Sixth: Amani & Marcus
Seventh: Bill & Cathi
Eighth: Liz & Marie
Eliminated: Kaylani & Lisa

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Amazing Race 19 Episode 4, which airs Sunday at 8/7c on CBS.

The X Factor Season 1 Episode 6

The judges narrowed down their picks to the top 100 in The X Factor Season 1 Episode 5. Tonight boot camp continues. 5 more groups are left to perform.

What I do is not going on is this performance of What’s Going On.

The country boys get a perfect song for them, I Won’t Let Go by Rascal Flatts. Good opportunity for Tim Cifers, Mathew Slovacek, Kingston, Hannah Bethel, and Thomas Wells. Simon thinks Tim, who takes center stage first, is a star.

With the group performances done, 1/3 of the remaining acts will be sent home. Do we get names tonight? Will they be people we actually know, even a little? Not really.

The next challenge is to choose and sing a song in front of a full studio audience (like they did during their audition). One by one they perform again without comments from the judges.

The first group of singers just play it straight and mostly successfully. Then we get into the people who try to make the songs their own, mostly badly. Simone Battle doesn’t remember the words and just makes them up. 4Shore follows with a rendition of a song that Simon hates. Little Ladiez are accused of not listening by being the opposite of modern. Makenna & Brock do Billie Jean, which at least Nicole likes. Siameze Floyd sings painfully. Brennin Hunt still bugs me, and he bugs Simon as well by changing his song too much.

Stacy Francis tells the story about how her father died on the day boot camp began. She stuck around anyway because her father would have wanted her to pursue her dream. Unlike that first performance, this time she manages to get a standing ovation.

Then we get the battle of the pretty young blonde girls.

Half of the 64 remaining acts will make it to the last stage of the competition and head to the judges’ homes where some of them will get to swim in Simon’s vault of money.

Neither Simon nor LA seem particularly impressed by the groups category. I’m not either.

Top 8 Girls
Caitlin Koch
Drew Ryniewicz
Jazzlyn Little
Melanie Amaro
Rachel Crow
Simone Battle
Tiah Tolliver
Tora Woloshin

A couple of questionable picks while better singers fall by the wayside, but a good lineup on the whole.

Top 8 Boys
Brennin Hunt
Brian Bradley
Chris Rene
Marcus Canty
Nick Voss
Phillip Lomax
Skyelor Anderson
Tim Cifer

Not nearly as impressed by the boys as the girls, but there’s one or two there with a shot.

Top 8 6 Groups
2Squared
4Shore
The Anser
The Brewer Boys
Illusion Confusion
Stereo Hogzz

Not seeing much from this category either.

Top 8 Over 30s
Christa Collins
Dexter Haygood
Elaine Gibbs
James Kenney
Josh Krajcik
Leroy Bell
Stacy Francis
Tiger Budbill

This group should be able to give the young girls a run for their money.

Since the groups category was such a disappointment, the judges have asked 14 people from the girls and boys categories to return to the stage. They form two new groups, which softens the blow over what seemed to be bad picks earlier. It also makes the groups potentially interesting.

InTENsity: Arin Ray, Austin Percario, Ellona Santiago, Emily Michalak, Emily Wilson, Francesca Duncan, John Lindahl, Lauren Ashley, Ma’at Bingham Shango, Nick Dean
Lakoda Rayne: Cari Fletcher, Dani Knights, Paige Ogle, Hayley Orrantia

Now that the decisions have been made, one decision remains. Who does each judge mentor? They await word from the producers. LA is in New York, Paula and Nicole are in LA, and Simon, he’s on his yacht in the south of France. LA thinks the strongest category is the over 30s. Paula would like to work with the boys. Nicole would love the girls. Nobody wants the groups.

Nicole gets the over 30s. She’s one of them after all, barely. She clarifies: they didn’t say girls, did they? LA gets the the boys. He thinks he just won, but he thought that anyway. Paula gets the groups. She’s feeling overwhelmed already. That leaves Simon with the girls and the sole decision whether to keep Tiah around.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The X Factor Season 1 Episode 7, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on Fox.

The X Factor Season 1 Episode 5

The auditions concluded in The X Factor Season 1 Episode 4 with performances by Cari Fletcher, Austin and Emily, and Jazzlyn Little. Tonight bootcamp begins in Los Angeles.

The not at all Ryan Seacrest host whose name escapes me tells us Paula Abdul has sold over 53 million albums. Wait. What? Apparently she was a big deal 20 years ago.

In addition to singing, they will be going through choreography, which at the end of the day is largely irrelevant no matter how much Simon tries to convince us it’s about the complete package. Granted, it’s not all about singing either, as these shows have long been a popularity contest. Brian Bradley refuses to dance because Jay Z doesn’t dance.

So apparently The Anser is spelled without a W. Caitlin Koch gives Paula chills. Tora Woloshin falls flat, and I’m not surprised. Brendan O’Hara forgets his words, but he doesn’t sound good anyway. Chris Rene and his sister Gina Rene have both made it to boot camp and both are good. Melanie Amaro is awesome singing Whitney. Stacy Francis’ ridiculously long note does a good job of annoying the judges more than anything.

After everybody is done singing, a bunch of people I don’t recognize (and whose names we are not given) get eliminated. The cuts bring us down to 100 acts, some of whom get some rest while others party through the night.

They are put into groups and given a few hours to perform a song. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before. At least we don’t have to go through the drama of people choosing and kicking others out of their groups.

Dexter Haygood is over his desire to impersonate James Brown. Now he is impersonating Mick Jagger. Audrey Turner was married to Ike Turner for a year or so before his death.

Leroy Bell, 59, does not plan on trying again if he fails this time. We get our first glimpse of Dani Knights, who wants to be a country star. Simon likes Paige Ogle.

Brian Bradley’s group gets a Jay Z song. Good news for him. Bad news for the rest of his group. I’m confused how this is supposed to demonstrate singing ability, or what it’s supposed to demonstrate for that matter. Tatiana “Reina” Williams, however, wants to prove she can rap, too. Jennifay Joy Nichols also surprises. Brian ends up forgetting half his words and interrupting everybody throughout the song.

Nick Dean has the name and looks to go far, but his performance is a bit of a disaster. Tiger Budbill overcomes the somewhat lackluster first impression he made.

Tiah Tolliver made it through after much begging by Simon. I still don’t get it, but she’s much better this time. LA asks how they got her on key.

I Have Nothing proves to be the toughest song to remember the words to, but it presents a good opportunity for some of the girls to shine.

Brock continues to hope Makenna will realize he has a crush on her sooner or later. I assume Emily Michalak, at the show’s minimum age of 12, is the youngest to make it this far, and her solo is where the song starts to take off. Siameze Floyd aims to prove he’s something different, as if there were a question. They and the rest of their group, consisting of The Stereo Hogzz, Jeremiah Pagan, Song Preservation Society, and Cesar de la Rosa, leave the judges smiling with their better than the original performance of Run by Snow Patrol.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The X Factor Season 1 Episode 6, which airs Thursday at 8/7c on Fox.

Survivor: South Pacific Episode 4

Following a vote about who had the dumbest nickname, Papa Bear was voted out in Survivor: South Pacific Episode 3.

Jim is under the impression that Elyse is Ozzy’s showmance, which might be a good plan if Ozzy’s showmance wasn’t irrelevant and didn’t already get voted out on day 3. Jim approaches Cochran with his plot to get rid of her.

Brandon apologizes to Mikayla for being a putz. Then he tells Edna about his alliance of 5.

Ozzy doesn’t like Cochran because he talks a lot about strategy, something Ozzy has proved to be miserable at.

Cochran and Jim go to watch the duel together, and they are joined by Brandon and Edna. Christine and Papa Bear are in the duel. Brandon apologizes to Christine for what happened at tribal council. Oh geez. The duel is to toss sandbags and land them on top of 10 crates. With 5 in a row, Christine’s on a roll. Papa’s keeping things interesting, but she retains her lead for some time. Papa Bear catches her at 8 for a couple seconds, then he ties it again at 9. With the final score, Christine wins the duel.

Edna’s additional attempts to emphasize her social game are not going over well with Stacey or Mikayla, both of whom are not terribly important to impress anyway.

Dawn would rather get rid of Ozzy, but she’s willing to go along with the plan to get rid of Elyse if that’s what Jim and Cochran are interested in doing. Even still, they seem to be 1 vote shy.

It’s a weight holding battle. Reward is chickens. Two men and one woman from each tribe will be the weight bearers: Keith, Dawn, and Jim against Brandon, Stacey, and Albert. After 26 minutes, Dawn and Stacey are at 100 pounds, Albert and Keith are at 180, and Jim and Brandon at 200. Seems that one tribe is just echoing the choices of the other. Keith is the first one to drop. Brandon and Jim tie the Survivor record of 220 pounds. In the meantime, Albert drops. Jim and Brandon then break the record at 240 pounds. Jim drops, and Brandon follows him. At this point, Stacey is holding on to the weight with her butt. 120 pounds. Then 140. Stacey drops. Savaii wins immunity and reward.

Stacey thinks that maybe she could be blindsided. Then it really wouldn’t be a blindside. In addition to not liking Edna still, she warns Brandon to watch out for Albert, Sophie, and Mikayla, to which Coach responds that he may as well just throw in the towel if he’s going to buy this. Brandon’s loose cannon behavior is not helping him any with those who wish to remain allied with him.

When asked by Probst what the most annoying thing about Edna is, Brandon says she’s got a lot to say about a lot. She disagrees, but now we’re getting to the point where it’s becoming a pattern.

Brandon says he’s not here to play Russell’s game. He’s here to play Brandon’s game. I’d rather he play Russell’s game. Oh, and God, blah blah blah. God doesn’t care about Survivor. I’m not even sure he watches it.

Votes
Edna
Stacey
Stacey
Stacey
Stacey
Stacey

With 5 votes, Stacey has been voted off the island. She makes an extra effort to avoid Coach’s hug goodbye. If you really intend to get back into this game, you’re going to need to get over yourself.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Survivor: South Pacific Episode 5, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.

The Biggest Loser Season 12 Episode 3

After the older group lost again in The Biggest Loser Season 12 Episode 2, they voted out Johnny following his weight gain.

Those who remain in the blue team say that Johnny was taking too much of Anna’s time.

This is NFL week. At the end of the week, the player with the highest percentage of weight loss wins a trip to the Super Bowl. They start off on a football field, where they are joined by Clay Matthews, Tony Gonzalez, and Drew Brees. Jennifer will sit out of the challenge due to medical reasons. Their task will be to toss balls through their opponents’ cardboard stomachs to knock them over. It’s a pretty simple task because they can walk right up to make the throw, except for the NFL players who receive handicaps. John is the first one out. Then Drew Brees. Tony Gonzalez follows him. Becky is next. Clay Matthews is the last of the NFL players to go. Sunny is next. Antone used to be an NFL player, and he, too, falls without hitting a target. Mike is done. Then Joe. And Bonnie. Nothing but red team left. Ramon is out. Jessica is next. Patrick is the next one down. Vinny misses, giving Courtney the opportunity to knock him out and win the challenge and $5,000.

Jennifer’s MRI shows that her stress fracture is 100% healable, but it will take a few weeks before she can start a more intense exercise program.

Their next challenge will consist of 4 quarters of 15 minutes each with 10 minutes of rest in between. The team with the highest average of calories burned wins. Reward is a spa day. Bob wants to focus on Jennifer. His goal is to prove that she can still burn calories even with the bum leg. After one quarter, the black team has the lead with 283 calories, followed by red team with 238 and then blue team with 183. The second quarter is more of the same, as is the third quarter. After the challenge is done, the blue team has burned an average of 764 calories (191 per quarter), red team has burned an average of 952 calories (238 per quarter), and the black team wins with 1171 calories (293 per quarter). They decline the prize, a smart thing to do because a spa day has the potential to be counterproductive.

Their last surprise of the week is a last chance workout with NFL players in their age groups: Shawne “Lights Out” Merriman, Eric Dickerson, and Tim Tebow.

Vinny realized at a young age that his home was different than others. Whoopins aren’t supposed to leave bruises and welts. The image of him getting his nose broken and his mom asking what he did to cause it will always stick with him. I’d say the hate he’s feeling toward her is a very fair emotion.

Courtney: 240 pounds (-7, 2.83%)
Vinny: 390 pounds (-10, 2.50%)
Ramon: 322 pounds (-7, 2.13%)
Patrick: 350 pounds (-11, 3.05%)
Jessica: 221 pounds (-11, 4.74%)
Red Total: 1523 pounds (-46, 2.93%)

Antone: 389 pounds (-16, 3.95%)
Sunny: 245 pounds (-10, 3.92%)
Joe: 307 pounds (-17, 5.247%)
Jennifer: 289 pounds (-16, 5.246%)
John: 375 pounds (-18, 4.58%)
Black Total: 1605 pounds (-77, 4.58%)

Bonnie: 240 pounds (-7, 2.83%)
Becky: 214 pounds (-9, 4.04%)
Mike: 273 pounds (-17, 5.86%)
Blue Total: 727 pounds (-33, 4.34%)

In a reversal of fortune, the blue team survives this week unscathed, although the black team wins again. As The Biggest Loser for this week, Mike from Indiana will be going to Indianapolis to see whatever Roman numeral Super Bowl number 46 is. With the highest percentage of weight loss on the losing team, Jessica is safe.

It would be tough to pinpoint any of the red team as a weak link. So then it comes down to a question of need. By process of elimination, that would bring us to Courtney. However, Patrick puts his hands up to go home.

Votes
Courtney: Patrick
Patrick: Courtney
Jessica: Patrick
Vinny: Courtney
Ramon: Patrick

As he requested, with 3 votes, Patrick is not The Biggest Loser. From his starting weight of 387 pounds, he is now down to 296 pounds for a total of 91 pounds lost.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Biggest Loser Season 12 Episode 4, which airs Tuesday at 8/7c on NBC.

The Amazing Race 19 Episode 2

Bill & Cathi were saved by non-elimination in The Amazing Race 19 Episode 1, leading us to tonight’s double elimination.

Teams depart in the order in which they arrived.

First: Ernie & Cindy – 9:28PM
Second: Jeremy & Sandy – 9:36PM
Third: Justin & Jennifer – 9:39PM
Fourth: Ethan & Jenna – 10:07PM
Fifth: Amani & Marcus – 10:15PM
Sixth: Laurence & Zac – 10:22PM
Seventh: Andy & Tommy – 10:23PM
Eighth: Ron & Bill – 10:48PM
Ninth: Kaylani & Lisa – 11:09PM
Tenth: Liz & Marie – 11:31PM
Eleventh: Bill & Cathi – 3:57AM

Based on the departure times, everybody should be equalized at the airport, good news for the more than 6 hours behind last place team. If you’re that far behind in leg 1, I don’t like your odds of lasting another leg. Teams will be heading to Jakarta, Indonesia and then by overnight train to Yogyakarta, Indonesia. What’s with the people riding on top of the train and hanging out the doors?

Justin & Jennifer are still bickering, and it doesn’t appear that’s going to stop or get any less annoying any time soon.

The road block at Goa Jomblang Cave will see teams spelunking on a search for a mask and a dagger, followed by a climb up a bamboo ladder.

Bill & Cathi get a good cab driver and arrive at the cave first, which should allow them enough time to complete their generally brief speed bump of untying a knotted rope before too many teams get there.

Road block (in order of arrival): Cindy, Marie, Bill, Marcus, Jeremy, Tommy, Justin, Ethan, Kaylani, Zac, Bill

Right from the road block we head to the detour, a choice between money maker or ticket taker. In money maker, one team member will dance while the other plays music, in an attempt to earn 30,000 rupiah, about $3.50. Ticket taker requires them to work as motorbike parking attendants and earn 15,000 rupiah. Both detours seem largely luck based, with no real way to gain much of an advantage. In each detour, they will conclude by donating all the money in their possession to an orphanage started after the 2010 eruption of Mount Merapi. The trick here is they must read the sign, which says that they have to give all their money, not just their task money, in order to receive their next clue. However, the clue is not being refused. Rather, it seems Phil will turn them back at the pit stop.

Money maker: Liz & Marie, Amani & Marcus, Jeremy & Sandy, Ethan & Jenna, Ron & Bill, Kaylani & Lisa
Ticket taker: Bill & Cathi, Ernie & Cindy, Justin & Jennifer, Andy & Tommy, Laurence & Zac

Following the detour, Jenna wrote down the name of the orphanage, assuming Ethan had it in his pocket, but leaving behind the clue at the detour in the process. That puts them dangerously close to elimination.

The pit stop for this leg of the race is Kraton Palace. Let the carnage begin. Phil’s going to be turning a lot of teams away before he can check them in. The 4th place snowboarders are the first to realize the catch, which should put them in first instead of Ernie & Cindy. But it ultimately shouldn’t matter except for the trailing teams. A few more teams skip past this before 8th place Laurence & Zac notice it. Kaylani & Lisa also read the sign, saving them from elimination after they slip below Ethan & Jenna and arrive 10th.

First: Andy & Tommy (win a trip to Ireland)
Second: Laurence & Zac
Third: Kaylani & Lisa
Fourth: Ernie & Cindy
Fifth: Liz & Marie
Sixth: Jeremy & Sandy
Seventh: Bill & Cathi
Eighth: Justin & Jennifer
Ninth: Amani & Marcus
Eliminated: Ethan & Jenna
Eliminated: Ron & Bill

Running into the wrong end of two bad twists, Ethan & Jenna have been eliminated. Not impressed, CBS. Following them, having been in last place since the cave, Ron & Bill are also eliminated.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Amazing Race 19 Episode 3, which airs Sunday at 8/7c on CBS.

The X Factor Season 1 Episode 4

We met Brock and Makenna, Josh Krajcik, Drew Ryniewicz, and 4Shore in The X Factor Season 1 Episode 3. The auditions conclude in Newark.

Brian Bradley wants to be better than Jay Z. He starts off his rap by getting into a fake argument with Simon, who calls him arrogant, obnoxious, argumentative, but talented. All the years he was at Def Jam, LA was looking for this kid.

Kelly Warner, Aaron Surgeon, and Liliana Rose Andreano will be joining him.

Not having met anyone in 43 years, Andy Silikovitz hopes this competition will get him a girlfriend. No, lightning will not strike twice. He will not be another Susan Boyle. The audience plays nice at least, but it won’t be a yes.

Clarissa “Cashmere” Cheatham is greeted by a panel that can’t stop giggling, and the giggling only gets worse when she starts singing. Nouf Taraman, Jean Loup Wolfman, and Maya Lehmann continue the ridiculousness.

If Cari Fletcher sounds anything like she looks, she’ll go far. LA tells her she has a star’s name, a star’s face, and a star’s voice. Simon, however, might remember her, but not her voice, though he’ll vote for her along with the others.

Joshua Blaylock, Emily Michalak, and Dorit Yehudai will also be advancing to boot camp.

Austin and Emily are Ausem. Simon thinks the audience they are aiming at will understand them, like the cheering section they have brought with them. LA thinks Austin is a star, though he’s not convinced of the duo. Nicole echoes his comments, and 20 minutes later she finally says yes.

The final hour is the conclusion of the auditions from around the country.

Tora Woloshin loves music and cars. Simon loves her because she has the X factor.

Jor-el Garcia sings Lucky Star by Madonna. This won’t end quickly enough. John Duff, Darlene & Sherone, and Ric White don’t sing or dance any better.

The Stereo Hogzz might have a stupid name, but they sound decent enough. Simon thinks they have overrehearsed. Still good enough to get through, though.

I assume Brennin Hunt spends 2 hours a day on his hair. Going based on voice alone, I’ll make an effort to tolerate him.

Paige Elizabeth Ogle, Leroy Bell, The Brewer Boys, and Nick Dean will be joining him in boot camp.

Devon Talley is possibly the worst singer tonight, which is saying something. He sings a song that goes on for 525,600 minutes, then keeps going.

Jazzlyn Little gets the final audition of the season. She tried uploading a video to Youtube, ending up with about 500 views, which doesn’t surprise Simon seeing as she’s having difficulty selling herself. Then she starts to sing, leading to a standing ovation. Simon calls her the one to watch.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The X Factor Season 1 Episode 5, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on Fox.