Author: Shane

The dumbest tribe ever finally got rid of J’Tia in Survivor: Cagayan Episode 3.

When they get to the challenge, Jeff tells them to drop their buffs. I don’t support a tribe shuffle in a situation like this. The Brains tribe has been among the most inept, incompetent group of fools in the history of the show, and they deserve the decimation they have faced. Spencer’s the only one I could stomach doing well in this game.

Aparri (orange): Sarah, Spencer, Morgan, Kass, Tasha, Jeremiah, Alexis
Solana (purple): Woo, Cliff, Trish, Jefra, LJ, Lindsey, Tony

The entire Brains tribe sticks together. They are combined with part of the Beauty tribe plus Sarah, while LJ and Jefra are outnumbered by the Brawn tribe.

Reward is coffee and baked goods. Their challenge is to work in pairs to remove a single person from a post and drag them across the sand. Tasha hangs on while Sarah and Morgan drag Lindsey to score a point. The next matchup is just stupid. Two men have to drag Cliff, which is not happening, while Alexis gets dragged off by a man and another woman. This ties them at 1 point each. The next match is a similarly stupid match, and Sarah is dragged by a duo consisting of a man and a woman. Salana wins reward. Why even bother with the formality of a challenge when the outcome is so blatantly obvious?

Trish and LJ hit it off right away because they’re both from Massachusetts. The fact that she’s old enough to be his mother is not phasing her.

Alexis immediately approaches the Brains to join them in an alliance. Jeremiah quickly follows suit. Apparently, they hate their own winning tribe so much that they’re willing to join with a bunch of losers.

At the immunity challenge, each tribe will use one large log to smash through a pair of walls, followed by putting the log through a maze. The challenge requires 6 people each. Trish sits out for Solana; Morgan sits out for Aparri. Based on the reward challenge, it’s pretty obvious that Solana is going to take the early lead. When Aparri finally figure out to put Spencer and Jeremiah at the front, they actually manage to pull even on the second wall. Aparri finishes the maze seconds ahead to win immunity.

Not content with the fact that her tribe has a 5-2 lead and an easy vote here, Trish starts plotting to get rid of Cliff. She tries to get Tony as her fourth vote.

LJ’s clearly the other target. He could flip this right here and ensure somebody else goes home, splitting the sides right down the middle going forward, but he is not sure whether he wants to use his idol or not.

Votes
LJ
Cliff
LJ
Cliff
LJ
Cliff
Cliff

LJ got lucky because that was a dumb risk to take. With 4 votes, Cliff has been voted off the island. I don’t understand the sense of that vote, but the other tribe is not making any sense since the shuffle either.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Survivor: Cagayan Episode 5, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.

After the awesome (because of the sheer amounts of stupidity displayed) first week, Brice was eliminated in Survivor: Cagayan Episode 2 with little fanfare.

Reward is three egg laying hens and a rooster for the first tribe or a dozen eggs for the second tribe to finish. Woo and Sarah sit out for Brawn; Morgan sits out for Beauty. A caller will guide two blindfolded and tied together members to retrieve items and hoist them. The men are having no luck in this challenge avoiding running into posts. Beauty tribe is in the lead, while Brains tribe is right behind them. Brawn is falling behind. Throwing all caution to the wind and repeatedly running into obstacles, Brawn makes a big comeback as Brains somehow blow a good lead. Beauty places first, and Brawn comes in second.

The Beauty tribe is left to wonder how chickens are born and where eggs come from. They have enough of them, though, so Jeremiah rips one of the heads off and watches it keep going. They don’t even need brains to function. I think that’s supposed to be a metaphor.

Woo and Sarah hatch a plan to throw the challenge to get rid of Cliff. Because Sarah trusts Woo, Tony reluctantly agrees to trust him, too. Cliff is on the opposite side with Lindsey, so Sarah especially wants to eliminate him before the merge. It’s a little early to be thinking about that. Woo may be talking about this, but he’s not overly thrilled about it. He’ll side with the majority if it comes down to it.

The immunity challenge is a basket game. Cliff is in the top 10 of any player for games played in the NBA, so this is up his alley as much as any challenge has been. Their task is to free up buoys from underneath the water, and then score baskets with those buoys. Tony and Lindsey sit out for Brawn; Alexis sits out for Beauty.

Beauty tribe is running away with this one again. Brains suck as usual. Brawn are falling apart, but if they want to throw this, they are going to have to try harder because the other tribe sucks so bad. Beauty wins immunity easily. The only useful member of the Brains tribe, Spencer, helps put them into a competitive position, but Brawn eventually catches up. This is a lost cause now. J’Tia sucks in the water as a rebounder, and Cliff is shooting baskets for his team. Brawn places second.

Brains are finally starting to use their brains. They plan to get rid of J’Tia. Way too late for that. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before Tasha goes back to being a moron and talks about wanting to keep J’Tia, who is loyal to her.

J’Tia defends herself at Tribal Council. Swimming is just not her thing. Oh, I’m sure the list of things that are her thing would be an easier one to make.

As they sit there, Kass and Tasha continue to discuss who they plan to get rid of.

Votes
J’Tia
Spencer
J’Tia
J’Tia

With 3 votes, J’Tia has finally been voted off the island. The fact that this was a decision that caused a moment of consideration just demonstrates how terrible this tribe is. Not only was she just generally awful, but she deliberately destroyed all their food.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Survivor: Cagayan Episode 4, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.

Proving book smarts do not translate to intelligent or even semi-coherent decision making in Survivor, the Brains tribe started off with a whimper in Survivor: Cagayan Episode 1. First, they got rid of David, the idiot who tried to get rid of their only challenge asset. Then they got rid of said asset, Garrett, the whiny but buff guy who could beat down any member of the Brawn tribe. And in all the chaos, they refused to get rid of the raving lunatic who burned their entire food supply after being single handedly responsible for losing the challenge for them. I hope these stupid people keep losing.

Spencer talks about how it’s Garrett’s own fault that he got sent home. Really, it’s his fault he’s on a tribe of morons? Meanwhile, the women are all coming together, and Spencer is the only man out. Of course, to be fair, Garrett was dumb, too.

Tony finally comes clean to Sarah, telling her what she already knows: he’s a cop. Now she trusts him, while he tells us that words don’t matter. He makes up a story about how Cliff and Lindsey were talking about Sarah.

Now the miserable rain starts. For the women on the Beauty tribe, it’s an excuse to do nothing while the men work. While they cower in the shelter, LJ gets the opportunity to find a hidden immunity idol. Yes, the third in two episodes.

For the immunity challenge, they will use a bucket to scoop water out the ocean, and they will toss that water from one tribemate to the next trying to fill a container to release a ball utilized in a maze. Tony and Lindsey sit out for Brawn; Jefra and Alexis sit out for Beauty. Brain tribe is in last. As usual. Beauty easily wins the first part of the challenge. Brawn tribe is a relatively (compared to Brains) close second. Pulling ahead on the maze, Brawn wins immunity. Though they had a large lead, Beauty falls apart on the maze. Spencer and Kass take center stage on the maze, and without J’Tia to screw them over, Brains place second.

Tony immediately grabs his tribe’s reward again. He takes the hammock and finds the clue hidden inside, unable to figure out why nobody else on his tribe can seem to understand that there are advantages in the rewards.

So much of the show has been focused on the lot of fools on the other tribe that I have no idea what’s happening with these people who are about to go to Tribal Council. LJ tells us Brice and Morgan are on the outside. Morgan differs, saying Jeremiah is with her and Brice. LJ wants to vote out Brice; Morgan wants to vote out Alexis. Brice just wants to get rid of a girl. Though Morgan thinks she is in an alliance with Jeremiah, and Jeremiah thinks he is the swing vote, Brice does not seem to share the concept that he’s with anybody other than Morgan.

Being on the chopping block is not preventing Alexis from coming up with a plan to split the vote.

Votes
Alexis
Brice
Morgan
Alexis
Brice
Morgan

It is a three way tie. LJ, Jefra, and Jeremiah, who have made their alliance clear with this vote, now control the outcome.

Votes
Brice
Brice

With 2 votes, Brice has been voted off the island. Unlike last week, I have no opinion. This was… dull.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Survivor: Cagayan Episode 3, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.

Survivor: Cagayan is all about brawn vs. brains vs. beauty. So we’re told. Three tribes of six people each divided into those three categories, in some cases seemingly at random, make up the cast of 18 new contestants.

When they hit the beach, they must pick a leader, a potentially terrible position for those who are chosen. LJ (beauty), Sarah (brawn), and David (brains) are picked. Why is David wearing a suit?

Now the leaders must pick the weakest person from their group. LJ chooses Morgan, Sarah chooses Trish (the first person to vote for her as leader), and David chooses Garrett (who’s probably the fittest person on the island, even better than the brawn tribe). The chosen weakest links will head to camp by helicopter while the others make the long trek.

They can either help the tribe or help themselves to a clue to the hidden immunity idol. David quickly opts for the idol. Morgan likewise goes for the idol without hesitation. Trish helps the group instead.

David finds an idol. 16 minutes into the show. This is pitiful. I’ve got an idea. Why not just put up a flashing neon sign that says “Idol Here”? Or just use one of the American Idol signs. It’s not like people watch that show any more. Morgan does not find one as well, but she is smart enough to pretend she chose for the group, getting them all the stuff that’s on the beach, which they have no way of knowing they already had regardless.

The beauty tribe manages to make fire on day 1 without flint.

Sarah knows what cops look like. She confronts Tony about it. He denies anything, claiming he’s in construction. She at the very least knows she can’t trust him.

David’s tribe is unimpressed with his selfish decision to try to get rid of the biggest threat rather than the weakest link. It’s way too early to be playing an individual game already.

Though J’Tia fancies herself the smartest person on the island, the rest of her tribe is not impressed. She tries to take the leadership role, and they just smile and nod.

For the immunity challenge, they must load chests on carts, unlock the chests, take the carts apart, get everything through a set of obstacles, then solve a puzzle at the end. Reward is a fire making kit (the second tribe to finish will get flint instead of the full kit). The results are pretty much as one would expect in a physical challenge: brawn then beauty then brains. The Brains better hope they can catch up at the puzzle because they suck at the first part of this. But really it’s the Beauty tribe that benefits most from this puzzle, as they win immunity. Brawn places a close second. The Brains tribe seems to lack any.

Who does David want to get rid of? Garrett of course. Why not get rid of the only brawn you have?

J’Tia realizes she’s a big target because she doesn’t do much. She even admits to being the (bad) planner (such as her shelter, which collapsed), not the worker.

Votes
J’Tia
J’Tia
David
David
David
David

With 4 votes, David has been voted off the island. The right person went home, even if J’Tia is useless. He played too hard too fast. It’s not even like he was playing smart. He just made an idiotic move within the first five minutes. Kass, who pushed for the J’Tia vote, is the lone outsider to the majority.

When they return to camp, Garrett starts whining. He doesn’t like the survival aspect of a show called Survivor.

Trish was already low on the totem pole. Complaining to Lindsey about how she doesn’t do anything is not going to do her any favors.

Now for another immunity challenge, this one at the beach. They will swim out to a large bamboo cage, dive under and untie knots to release the gate, and return back to shore with fish traps, which one tribe member will use to solve a puzzle. Reward is a large fish kit. Second place wins a smaller fish reward. Cliff sits out for Brawn; Brice sits out for Beauty.

Once again, the Brawn tribe takes the lead, but this time the Brains are not far behind despite a slow start. As the others fall apart in the water, the Brains take a large lead back at shore, giving J’Tia an opportunity to shine as puzzle solver. Brawn catch up to them with Sarah as the solver of her bloody puzzle (following Tony’s terrible cut on his foot). Beauty is dead in the water, quite literally. Brawn tribe wins immunity and reward as J’Tia falls apart on the puzzle. Somehow, LJ smokes her on the puzzle, and Beauty places second, sending Brains to Tribal Council for the second time in a row.

Without question, J’Tia has to go. She got lucky last time, but there’s no saving her now.

Tony is the only one smart to enough to think that there must be a clue in the reward basket. He sneaks the clue out of the basket then goes searching. Now he has a hidden idol, too. This is getting dumb.

When they return to camp, Garrett takes issue with his tribe wanting to go talk separately about how to vote. This is the guy who said he was bored because he wanted to outwit and outplay. Now he just wants to make a decision and sit around the fire until Tribal Council.

Tasha proposes an all female alliance to Kass. She is on to something: they are outnumbered. The problem is that J’Tia, Tasha, and Kass would be the most pathetic tribe in history. You think the Brains are bad now? Picture them without the men.

So now that she’s done being told by her tribe that she is going to be voted out, J’Tia dumps all the rice into the fire. Dumbass. What little chance she may have had is gone now, and on top of that she comes off as a psycho. Ironically enough, though Garrett was being mocked for it earlier, his plan for everyone to stay together would have prevented this. Then Kass blames him for the rice being dumped out because he wanted to hear what they were saying rather than staying behind to babysit J’Tia.

Votes
J’Tia
Garrett
J’Tia
Garrett
Garrett

With 3 votes, Garrett has been voted off the island. How is what just happened even possible? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Sinking ship of fools. You just got rid of your greatest (only) challenge asset and kept the weakest link on any tribe, who dumped all your food.

Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of Survivor: Cagayan Episode 1, which airs Wednesday at 8/7c on CBS.