Trump dropped his flirtation with the presidential race when NBC made it clear he is expendable, so he is back with a new cast of D listers, some of whom are recognizeable as celebrities, or at least were a couple decades ago. The Celebrity Apprentice 5 cast of 18 contestants is:
Adam Carolla (Comedian)
Arsenio Hall (Comedian/Host)
Aubrey O’Day (Singer/Reality Star)
Cheryl Tiegs (Supermodel)
Clay Aiken (Singer)
Dayana Mendoza (Miss Universe 2008)
Debbie Gibson (Singer)
Dee Snider (Singer)
George Takei (Actor)
Lisa Lampanelli (Comedian)
Lou Ferrigno (Bodybuilder)
Michael Andretti (IndyCar Driver)
Patricia Valasquez (Model/Actress)
Paul Teutul, Sr. (Reality Star)
Penn Jillette (Magician)
Teresa Giudice (Reality Star)
Tia Carrere (Actress)
Victoria Gotti (Writer/Reality Star)
For the sake of not having to make a decision, we start out very simply: men against women.
Clay is concerned about the number of frat boys on his team, foremost among them, Adam Carolla.
The men unanimously agree on their team name, Unanimous, after 45 minutes of really stupid names. The women agree on Forte, a name that apparently is supposed to show they are not loud and bitchy.
Patricia Valasquez volunteers to be the project manager for the women. As for the men, they are all silent for a change. Paul Teutul gets volunteered.
After that, they are invited into the boardroom for a Trump family reunion.
The men learn that Michael Andretti will be coming to join their team, after his son Marco dropped out following the death/investigation of a teammate.
Their first task is simply to sell sandwiches.
Dee Snider says he can get $5-10k. Paul thinks he can bring in half a million dollars. No need blowing through everything on day 1, but if he wants to, everybody else will just save their guns for later. With that in mind, they’re going to focus their theme on him and choppers.
Like the men, who were originally thinking about turning their store into a sideshow, the women were considering a carnival theme, but after Victoria Gotti’s comments about the cops and permits, they go with a red carpet theme instead.
Aubrey O’Day is upset that the other women don’t consider her recognizeable. Sorry, I don’t know who you are either. Then again, I wouldn’t recognize any of the women by looking at them, and only a couple by name.
Everybody is finding Paul rough around the edges, and elsewhere.
The women have more of a team effort going on, all going through their rolodexes and making calls, though it goes without saying that they will be saving their best for when it comes to their own necks. Victoria, however, is making calls about personal problems instead. If you can’t put stupid things like your son’s car insurance on hold for a few hours, don’t bother being on this show.
The next morning, Victoria’s not there when they head off to the shop. She strolls in later with claims of a doctor’s appointment.
When Lou takes off his shirt, George is more thrilled than anybody else.
Not afraid of the cops, the men stand on the sidewalk and make a spectacle, with Penn doing his magic show and shouting. The problem is there is so much going on outside that they are struggling to get anyone through the door.
Clay’s inside hustling for money and making some good progress, but he’s left with a question: where’s the big money? Meanwhile, the women continue to draw in a number of donors in the $10,000-25,000 range.
Don Jr. thinks that the women’s grilled cheese idea may not be good, as it takes too long to prepare, which may hurt them if volume is a concern.
In the middle of the task, they get a call from Trump. Each team is instructed to bring their best sandwich to the Rachel Ray show. The best sandwich will receive a bonus, theoretically enough to make a difference between winning and losing.
Patricia and the women seem to have cleaned up. However, Paul’s big donors are not showing up, and since the men put all their eggs in his basket, it would seem they are screwed.
Patricia says that her biggest star was Dayana. She thinks that Tia did well at her thankless job at the cash register. Trump asks whether she’ll bring her back if they lose, and she says no. Tia says that it’s okay if she wants to bring her back. Big mistake. Trump is the kind of person who will throw out all performance data and anything task related and fire you due to one comment. Completely pointless and stupid and against the grain of the whole show, but at least on that he is consistent.
As far as who needs to go if they lose, she reluctantly offers up Cheryl and Victoria. Cheryl did not bring any money, which she denies, though she personally said she had no plans to make a big effort at doing so. Her problem with Victoria is that they could not get a hold of her when she was missing.
Paul says his biggest star was Penn for the spectacle he was able to create. When pushed, he names George and Arsenio as his weak players. George does not have a strong enough personality. He just picked Arsenio at random.
Rachel Ray’s winning sandwich, worth $35,000, is the men’s big chopper sandwich. Better pretentation and better taste.
The women set a record for the first task of The Apprentice with $126,000 in earnings. The men, however, raised $332,000, for a total of $367,000. The money from both teams will go to Paul’s charity, Make a Wish Foundation. $305,000 of that came from one nameless person.
Debbie would bring Cheryl into the boardroom because she’s slow. Aubrey would fire Victoria, but she will not answer whether Diddy is a good guy. Tia would fire Victoria as well, maybe. Nobody would fire the project manager. Dayana can’t believe all these stars who are bigger than her could not raise any money. Lisa would fire Victoria due to her personal calls or Cheryl due to her lack of focus.
Cheryl and Victoria will be going back to the boardroom with Patricia. Tia would have been a smarter pick. Trump would be out for blood over that comment she made. At the end of the day, though, I don’t see Patricia going regardless.
Victoria acknowledges that everybody held back, including herself. Cheryl finally does as well.
Patricia would keep Victoria, if she will focus. Victoria would not fire the project manager. Cheryl, who has always been shy and quiet, does not know if this is right for her. No point delaying the inevitable. Cheryl is fired.
Stay tuned to dingoRUE for another live recap of The Celebrity Apprentice 5 Episode 1, which airs Sunday at 9/8c on NBC.