With everybody else gone, the CRABS (Coach, Rick, Albert, Brandon, Sophie) alliance finally had to stop pretending they were there to make friends and do God’s will, and instead vote out one of their own in Survivor: South Pacific Episode 14. After Brandon foolishly gave up his immunity idol to Albert, who would have gone home otherwise, it was Brandon who was sent packing instead. Interesting, for a tribe that keeps running its mouth about integrity and loyalty and all these other concepts that out on Survivor island are fleeting at best, they sure didn’t seem to have any trouble picking two targets to eliminate. Brandon’s elimination brings us down to a final 4. +1. One of those will be the Survivor: South Pacific winner.
Survivor this year is like this season’s The Amazing Race. I’m not sure I care who wins. As long as it’s not Ozzy. Strangely, I find myself pulling for Coach above the others. Sure, he may not be very good at this game, but at least he sucks less than the rest.
The season started with the announcement of two very disappointing choices for returning contestants, Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth and Benjamin “Coach” Wade. 23 seasons and more than 350 castaways later, and this is the best you can do? Two of the worst players in the history of the game. The sad thing is that one of them will probably end up winning. They are joined in the final 4/5 by Sophie Clarke, Albert Destrade, and Rick Nelson.
Coach has surprisingly been largely in control of the game. His choices have been questionable (Brandon and Mikayla specifically), and I’m not sure how far he could have gotten if he weren’t “famous”. That aside, it’s hard to argue that everybody seems to be following him around.
Albert gets an A for effort. He’s certainly not without his plans and not afraid to try to make something work. The problem is it never works. His plans always fizzle out or blow up.
I appreciate some of Sophie’s insights, but I can’t point to anything she’s actually done.
Rick is perhaps the most invisible contestant in Survivor history. Even people who have been eliminated first have had more screen time. How does someone make it to finale night and still have people asking “Who?”
Then there’s Ozzy. He’s already been voted out. TWICE. My problem with this is that he hasn’t had any impact on the game, aside from handing the game to the other tribe by not getting rid of Cochran. He hasn’t been in the game long enough to be able to do anything. Sure, Boston Rob made an impact in Marquesas in 7 episodes, convincing the idiots in his tribe (1 episode too late) that they needed to take action to avoid being steamrolled by the dominant alliance, but Ozzy ain’t no Boston Rob. I’ll give him credit for winning a lot of duels. Almost as many as Christine. But that shouldn’t give him a trip straight to finale night. Bad twist is bad. That said, he’s a big threat to win. Not having done anything, he hasn’t made any enemies either.
Brandon Hantz now joins Ozzy on Redemption Island, on the heels of him getting himself voted out by throwing away immunity. Another disappointing casting choice. Anybody expecting him to be like his uncle Russell has been disappointed. Instead, we’re left with a confused person desperate to prove something but not sure how to do so. So he just keeps invoking the lord’s name and hoping something will stick. He somehow managed to get into the dominant alliance, but since then it has been downhill. I don’t deny that his inability to keep his mouth shut and need to blab every plan to everybody makes for good TV, but it makes for a terrible survivor.
Probst’s line of questioning seems to have had the desired effect. Whatever chance Albert may have had seems to be gone. My problem with the question remains the same. There was no reason to ask whether he wanted to refuse the necklace. Who would do such a thing?
In the final duel, Ozzy and Brandon are battling against each other. Neither of them belongs back in the game, but the last person left holding on a pole will be given another shot. For Ozzy, it would be his 5th shot, 3rd just this season. This looks like the type of duel that Ozzy should win. However, Brandon’s looking a lot stronger out there than I would have expected. As Ozzy continues to readjust, Brandon just sticks in one spot. Around the 40 minute mark, there’s a lot of movement from both of them. Brandon has been eliminated, for which he thanks god. Ozzy returns to the game. Again.
Coach offers to give Ozzy his idol. Ozzy doesn’t believe him because he sees himself as too big a threat. Ah, great, the battle of egos.
At the immunity challenge, they will build a stack of cards with one hand while balancing a board with the other. Albert and Rick are irrelevant. They’re about an inch off the table by the time the others are approaching the end. Sophie has a great structure, but she runs out of pieces. Coach’s stack comes crashing down. That puts Ozzy in the lead. Ozzy then finds out his stack is not quite high enough. Half of Sophie’s stack comes down, as Ozzy takes his down himself. Sophie decides to try a new strategy. She tells Albert to drop his damn stack and come work for her. Really? Probst puts her in her place and tells her this is against the rules. Sophie keeps stumbling as Coach and Ozzy fight for the win. Ozzy wins immunity.
Coach is leaning toward getting rid of Rick, the good old boy who hasn’t pissed anybody off. I don’t see how he could.
Ozzy tells Albert he wants to get rid of Sophie. They discuss her running her mouth at the challenge. He also lets him know that Coach made a deal to take him to the end.
Coach leads Rick to believe he can’t trust Sophie. At the end of the day, Coach wants everybody to only be able to trust him, a good plan unless everybody gets wind of it.
Rick’s pitch why they should keep him around: he hasn’t won anything.
Not content with just telling Albert Coach’s plan, Ozzy sticks his foot in his mouth and tells everybody at tribal council. This is followed by Sophie telling Ozzy he doesn’t respect her, and him responding by saying she’s a spoiled brat. Then comes a big meltdown and the waterworks.
This is the last night to play the hidden immunity idol, but Coach declines.
Votes
Rick
Sophie
Rick
Sophie
Rick
With 3 votes, Rick has been voted off the island. We hardly knew you. Even in the episode in which you’re getting eliminated, you’ve been largely invisible. He says his vote will be for Ozzy, a sentiment I fear much of the jury will share.
So after Ozzy just got done throwing Coach under the bus, Coach goes up to him and buys his sob story about how he’s been hurt before by trusting people, so they kiss and make up.
For their final immunity challenge, they will race through an obstacle course to collect puzzle pieces and then solve a puzzle. Obviously, Ozzy will be the first to grab all the puzzle pieces, but he’s not the sharpest tool out there. Coach and Albert both make mistakes forcing them to have to repeat legs of the course. Sophie gets the first piece of the puzzle, evaporating Ozzy’s very large lead. Each piece placed makes the others easier because the other pieces spin but are locked once the pieces are correctly placed. She manages to get a 3 piece lead before Ozzy starts to come back. Ozzy ties it, but then Sophie goes on a run and wins immunity.
Nobody’s sure what Coach is going to do. Is he dumb enough to send this to a tie, which would be the biggest threat to his ability to win this game?
Votes
Ozzy
Albert
Ozzy
Ozzy
With 3 votes, Ozzy has been voted off the island. Again. Let’s hope it sticks this time and there are no more ridiculously stupid twists ahead.
Now Coach’s biggest obstacle is that he’s more likely to seen as the backstabber of the three, whether he’s been in control of all these idiots all along or not. The majority of the jury members had some sort of final three deal with him, and they all believed it would pan out until they were getting their torches snuffed. Control of the vote ultimately rests in the hands of Ozzy’s idiot tribe that threw the game away.
Ozzy calls Sophie a privileged, pretentious brat. Albert didn’t really do anything. But he gives Coach credit for getting to the end as a veteran. He’s going to use this opportunity to whine and complain about getting voted out for a third time. Coach acknowledges that there were times he was dishonorable.
Jim wants Albert to tell him why the others should not be there. He denies that Coach brought them there, claiming instead they brought Coach there, and Sophie didn’t play a social game.
Dawn asks Sophie’s strategy of picking who she did. Sophie’s answer seems aimed at trying to get the female vote. Not a lot of jury members who fall under that description, but it’s a good start that brings her just 2 votes shy of a win.
Coach apologizes to Rick, who refuses to let Albert talk and calls Sophie a liar. For somebody so irrelevant, he sure is bitter.
Brandon wants to talk more about the lord and forgiveness. It got old a long time ago. Apparently, the lord has a short attention span because Brandon does not have time for more than a yes or no answer from Albert. I don’t know why Albert is attempting to humor this moron, who already made up his mind days ago and can’t be reasoned with.
Whitney calls Albert sleazy. This from the married woman who’s been sleeping with somebody else while on the island. Meanwhile, Coach used god, and Sophie is condescending.
After six very bitter people get their chance to speak, Edna is the first voice of reason in the jury, most of whom beat themselves by being stupid. She reminds them that it’s a game they signed up for that has a purpose of manipulation of which they are all guilty.
Keith asks about the hidden immunity idol that Coach did not use. Coach explains that he only would have used it if there were a 6-6 tie, and Sophie pipes in to reveal that it had already been found long before Brandon’s god intervened.
Cochran thinks Coach played a great game, but he’s getting tired of the word honor being thrown around so much.
Votes
Coach
Sophie
Coach
Sophie
Coach
Sophie
Sophie
Sophie
With 5 votes (6 in total), Sophie is the Survivor: South Pacific winner. Still can’t figure out what she did other than win a couple of challenges, but by not doing much, she also didn’t make the enemies that Coach did. Ultimately, she still did more than Ozzy, though, although this whiny jury still would have voted for him.
On a site note, this is yet another example, as if one were needed, of the foolishness of this final 3 twist. Not only did Jim and Keith not contribute anything to the jury that made a 9 person jury more suitable than a 7 person jury, but as always there was one contestant who was in the finals who did not receive a single vote, in this case Albert.
Russell says that Brandon didn’t do anything right (he didn’t). Jeff proposes: Russell vs. Brandon. I think both of them have overstayed their welcome.
By the biggest margin ever, Ozzy wins the audience prize of $100,000.
So ends a lackluster season with some lackluster twists. Next time, let’s make Redemption Island reasonable (or eliminate it altogether), not a pass to the end. Also, if you have to bring someone back, bring back somebody worthwhile. Rob and Russell were great. The women from Micronesia were awesome. But Coach and Ozzy? I still can’t wrap my head around that one.
Season 24 will pit two tribes against each other on the same island in Survivor: One World.